RVP

Wayne “Roondawg, Skipperdy-Skip-Skip, Capper-Roo” Rooney returned to the first team and inspired a resounding victory against one of Europe’s averagest teams, who could make Dundee United look like 1990’s Ajax. And made everyone look relatively great again, in a competition that defies context, meaning, or worth. Great times. Paul Pogba, the second best of all […]

 (@Benglorious) Spent all day looking for a fucking drawing of Van Persie that some prick drew, only for the other prick, Bret to come along and steal all the picture-finding glory because he had it locked away in his own personal wankbank. I still have no idea why he even needs a picture of Robin […]

 Benno (@Benglorious) Half-five kick off today.  Why’s it not called “2.5” instead as a timesaver? (FYI: I had to check that sum with my old maths teacher this morning to distract him when he happened upon me using his toilet) I decided to try and find out: “Tom, who are we playing on Saturday?” “Erm, […]

Benno (@Benglorious) Sunderland, or the ‘Black Cats’ as they are called for some unknown reason, were founded in 1879 by a teacher, James Allan, who wanted a way to impress the dinner ladies at his school.  Bitches love association football team founders who are also teachers.  He must have had some success, as his team […]

  Benno (@Benglorious) It’s been a strange week at Bifurcated Towers.  Lots have questions have been raised after we’ve had to deal with the fallout from that tweet from the last game in Preston: Is there a Quality Street in Wales?  Is there any way to find out?  Why do radiators and sinks need earthing?  If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, […]

If the Universe was truly balanced then RVN would jump up behind Martin Keown like an evil clown on acid every time he opened his mouth. Next time he’s on Match of the Day, I’ll be putting my foot through the telly and sending Gary Crisps the etc… This match played out like the Hallmark […]

Give us this day our Danny Blind and forgive us our long passes, as we were playing them that long pass against us. And lead us not into tenth place please; with deliveries from Tony. Four-Five-One is the kingdom. And the power, and the glory, for Ander Herrera. Amen. Capper Roondog has come under a […]

Benno (@Benglorious) Poor old Ander Herrera.  First, Vangle calls him a nice guy and then says he’s a great player.  The guy can’t catch a break.  Anyone would think there’s better players ahead of him in the team rather than football-related legal issues that could be damaging to United in the future.  My advice to […]

I learned a valuable lesson this week: when something wins it’s British, and when it loses it’s Scottish. Not exactly sure of the benefits of being British, apart from you don’t have to pay for stuff with paper money that people want to throw house bricks at you for using, on site, and I suppose […]

Benno (@Benglorious) Yeovil is a very interesting word, etymologically (check that this is the word one and not the insect one) speaking.  Yeo-Vil.  Anyone who’s everyone knows that “vil” stems from “ville” so it must mean “town“, and no-one who’s someone has seen Brian De Palma’s Scarface (1983) so we all know what “Yeo” has its roots in.  In summation; […]

Benno (@Benglorious) “Happy New Year” is me telling you all (Ha! “You all”) a massive lie because it’s still 2014 as I write this.  In my head it’s still 1994 but that’s my problem, not yours.  If it WAS still 1994 we wouldn’t be playing Stoke because I don’t remember them playing back then, ergo: […]