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 Benno (@Benglorious)

I did my theory test in Ipswich. It was ok.

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Opposition summary: Ipswich were relegated from the Premiership League long before we were all born, but the elders tell tales of a striker of such skill, panache and elegance that the FA had all mention of his goalscoring exploits sanitised so future footballers wouldn’t feel inadequate. His name? Ian “Striding God” Marshall. Not only was he the most gifted player of his, and all, generations, his virility was also the stuff of legend – Marshall only had to raise an eyebrow at a passing lady to impregnate her. On his death at the age of 121, the amount of children he’d fathered stood at 3426, with 19 more on the way. I’ve forgotten my point.

Prediction: Ipswich to do an old school Milton Keynes and not have a football team until they steal one off the worst bit of London. 0-0 United.

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  Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Ipswich is renowned for its fantastic Toys R Us store, (its genius being its equidistance between London and Norwich) being the birthplace of Dean Dangerous – and the locale for most of his time desk adventures – and having a bridge that is sometimes closed due to high winds. Their manager also looks like my brother.

Future reviews:

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 

Spaced (3 disc Collectors Edition) 

Platoon

Prediction: Corrie gets ruined. United 9-0 victors in a case of life imitating life from the past. Rooney manages to still not score despite scoring 2.

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  Brett (@WorkSoRelyingOnThoseTwoToMakeMeLookGood)

Ipswich don’t lie. Shakira said that.

Prediction: 2 goals for Manchester to zero goals for Southampton. 0-0 United. 

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