Zlatan

United 4 - 1 Newcastle

United 4 – 1 Newcastle

37 more wins like this and the EPL is ours (read our MBM twitter feed to save yourself a click on here). 5 things we learned: 1. Painting fresh plaster is extremely tiring. 2. Paul Pogba and Marcus Rashford were legit marvellous. 3. My preview said 3-0us and 4-1 kinda is 3-0 so I am […]

Burnley 0 - 2 United

Burnley 0 – 2 United

It was a triumphant return to the team for Skipper Roo: assisting all United’s attacking endeavours in his own unique way i.e delicate first touch and pace. His goal quite literally could not have been claimed by and credited to anyone else but our loveable Roondawg. Here’s to another 251!! Here’s the 5 things we […]

EL: United 2 (3) - (2) 1 Anderlecht

EL: United 2 (3) – (2) 1 Anderlecht

Another victorious victory at the half way stage of the Europa League tournament; only 743 matches to play until the final, which the players will be relieved to know is only played over 5 legs. Hashtag Rash is Life 4 Life yo! Here’s 5 things we Europa learned: 1. Rasherz with the R3 manoeuvres made […]

EL: Anderlecht 1 - 1 United

EL: Anderlecht 1 – 1 United

Choo! Choo! Like a European express train made of not doing enough to kill of matches, with wheels made of draws, and passengers made of draws, pulling into the semi-final station of draws, at platform draws. All are bored (ALL ABOARD!).   Here’s 5 thing we learned: 1. Ghost Rider is in Agents of Shield. […]

Sunderland 0 - 3 United

Sunderland 0 – 3 United

Captain. Leader. Legend. Haterz gonna hate, but Fella’s gonna regulate! Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Goals are good.  

United 1 - 1 Everton

United 1 – 1 Everton

The Invincibles can bite our bangers as we continue our incredible run, drawing with everything in our path like a machine made of draws. We’re like the Ikea of football: *work on the punchline for this a joke for next week. Something, something Zlatan (Swedish), something, something drawers.* Here’s 5 things we learned about the […]

EL: Rostov 1 - 1 United

EL: Rostov 1 – 1 United

Our exclusive fan poll after the game revealed that, of the 665 billion United fans around the world, over 70% would rather eat their own death than watch the second leg of this game. In other news, our Kickstarter to have this game struck from the records has been flagged by the financial ombudsman, as […]

G.Garvey: Zlatan

G.Garvey: Zlatan

EL: Rostov vs. United

EL: Rostov vs. United

(@Benglorious) I have no fucking idea who Rostov are. I do, however, know what a rosti is – a sat on bag of chips that Tories like to eat. Prediction: Elbohimovic. You can have that one. Unless it can be monetised. Actually, it’d be easier to just send me cash and avoid all the fuss. […]

United 1 - 1 Bournemouth

United 1 – 1 Bournemouth

At Bifurcated we have been lobbying for a long time with the footballerers: it’s such a shame these results aren’t recorded in a table or league format, because by my calculations we’d be sitting proud in 6th place, and the whole world would be saying something about it every day of the week, and every […]

EFL Cup Final: United 3 - 2 Southampton

EFL Cup Final: United 3 – 2 Southampton

AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! WE’RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE cup! Here’s 5 things we learned after our momentous day out at Wemberley: 1. Winning is good when you’re hungover. 2. It’s also good at other times. 3. Can’t decide if Lingard […]

English Champions League World Cup Final

English Champions League World Cup Final

(@Benglorious) If I get time, I’ll do the best Southampton joke there’s ever been. If I don’t get time, I’ll just mention Craig David. Prediction: I may miss the start of the match so someone will have to fill me in. This is our most important match of the last seven days. Pogba was born […]

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