Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Endgame had a lot of people in it

2. At least ten

3. Thanks for the spoilers

4. I knew if I waited long enough I’d look better than Chris Hemsworth with my top off.

5. Saw someone say Alexis Sanchez does more than Marcus Rashford and I’m afraid I have to now log off forever

(@Benglorious)

 (@tom_mcghee)

Can’t do words today pals please make up some.

Although I don’t think Wolves should be allowed to be football unfair on both sides imho

Be football? I’d’ve said ‘play football’ makes more sense that way imho you bald cunt

Though kicking wolves around for 90 minutes would be unfair too

Don’t think it’d play out like that tbh they hunt in packs unless they’re lone wolf aka Texas Ranger

I’m also unavailable to kick wolfs

Top 3 wolves:

1. Air

2. Peter and the

3. Big bad

worst = gladiator

4. Man

5. Teen

Prediction: WhatsApp convos for previews don’t work.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Re above: wtf. Good job there is a serious journalist in the office today…

No doubt Jose Mourinho has spent most of the week analysing his alphabetised cassette tape collection as we work our way through the Duran Duran back catalogue. Though if he had started at ‘D’, he could have spent a little less time imho. Like they say, “If music is the food of life then let Alexis Sanchez play for the U23s”.

A couple of goals from Lukaku today will put us back where we bolingoli.

Prediction: This great Duran Duran a joke to end before it started. idgi. 0-0 United. 

(@Benglorious)

Brett’s back from Poland so there’s no need to do any words or jokes, cos he’s the best and whatever I write will only embarrass me when compared to his words or jokes.

Prediction: I write some words or jokes and am embarrassed. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

I am out having birthday meals please put these words: fuck the haters, one love, peace. Or a good joke about Alan Pardew.

Film Review:

To be announced.

Prediction: No good jokes about Alan Pardew. -6 – -6 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

With the destiny of this season’s Hasthag EPL entirely in our own hands, after shoving City off the edge of a metagorical cliff last week* (*note, I am writing this without seeing the score from their 3-1 defeat of Tottenham yesterday), we have to make sure we don’t drop any points in this game like is so obvs gonna happen.

It will be crime of the Willennium, if West Brom are relegated having sacked Alan “Alan Pardew” Pardew they don’t call him Alan Pardew for nothing. Would have (of) been geno scenes to see him cry himself to death like the Alan Pardew not even Tom and Benno deserve.

Prediction: Alexis Sanchez to agree incremental payments of 3 trillion euros per day, as a gesture of goodwill, with reference to his transfer fee versus value to the team. 0-0 United.