(@Benglorious)

I am on holiday so suck your disappointment right on its dick.

Prediction: Me to ruin my holiday for me (I’m obvs on holiday alone cos me) by constantly checking my phone to see what great a jokes Brett is tweeting tonight. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

What words? Are we playing tonight? On a Wednesday?? Make me. Seriously.

Prediction: I should be able to do some words when I get home but I maybe sitting in the sun instead. 0-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

After Sunday’s clown shoes display against the second worst football team in the EPL, behind us, I will not be watching out of respect for the memory of goals.

If Mourinho is planning to drop some players, I would like to request ‘on their heads … and kick them in their heads repeatedly with some really hard shoes on like clogs while they are on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness’

Prediction: All 11 (eleven) players to play so abso terribly tonight that Jo Mo has no players to select for the FA Cup game against Tottenham “based on form”, so brings Luke Shaw, Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba, and Karel Poborsky out of retirement to play at the weekend, and we get battered. 0-0 United.

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Here’s 5 things we sjdhfkjsdahvcjksdjkbvjkdsbauibfewbacinjknlakwecnwamc:

1. Well done, City. We’ll try harder next season maybe.

2. Fuck City suck it you blue fucks.

3. We are terrible at football.

Here’s 5 things we learned about football:

1. Equality is good, but kids shouldn’t be professional goalkeepers.

2. Unless they play for anyone else.

3.The hidden blade is back, baby, and it’s fucking siiiiiiiiick.

4. deli alley’s goals were good.