(@Benglorious)

Spam.

Prediction: Brett will post this above Tom’s, so, the a joke won’t work.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I would really like to but also I really can’t be bothered feels like we’re always playing West Ham and I’ve run out of pork based puns.

Prediction: Brett will predict that Benno will predict etc

(@bifurcated_utd)

Embarrassed for those guys right now.

Prediction: Benno will predict I will ruin his a joke, by posting it above Tom’s.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD NOW YOU’RE GONNA etc

Look, it’s the first 5 things learned of the season:

1. I liked how that kid scored a massive deflection and now he’s the new Ryan Giggs

2. How come Gary Neville doesn’t know how to use punctuation?

3. I watched it when I got home and it was not the same as twitter described it those guys need to be better at describing and also happier imho

4. Bit sad for Jones and Smalling those guys deserve better haha of course they don’t

5.  Can anyone ever really own a horse?

6. Did Ashley Young play? Does anyone care?

7. No

8. This is, Gary Neville

<<<< Not looking at anyone in particular.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. We are proper fucking shit and I can only see us being proper fucking shit for the foreseeable future

2. Love Ole but he was clearly the cheapest option and that’s why they chose him.

3. Ashley. Young.

4. Why doesn’t anyone deliberately injure Messi? Like it’s so obviously the only way to stop him sweep the leg Johnny

5. What the fuck has happened to Tony Martial??

6. I ordered some new chair legs.

Here’s 5 things we learned as United continued on their voyage of discovering what it feels like to finish 6th in the Premier League table:

1. It is clear now from that one game that Paul Pogba is a consumate fraud and he is solely and entirely to blame for our current plight.

2. It is clear now from this one game that Jose Mourinho is a tactical genius and all previous criticisms are invalid as it is actually all Paul’s fault.

3. Martial is to blame but also not to blame it is important we argue over who is or isn’t to blame especially since it is obvious that it is only Paul Pogba who is to blame.

4. Obviously this is all nonsense just enjoy the 4 goals you weird point-scoring weirdos

5. Make me.

6. I made a fish pie

Bite us.

1. and still hasn’t.

Ashley Young owned Deli Alli, apparently. Deli Alli can only dream of being as good as Ashley Young one day.

Another cracker!

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Returning to boyhood haunts is bittersweet at best ie The Prom = sweet, Leroy from Fame being dead = bitter.

2. If you want to buy some 3D pictures (dinosaurs, dolphins, kittens), I know a guy.

3. Can us do 100 words on Denis Violet for ROM by tomorrow eve?

4. What kind of words?

5. And who is Denis Violet

6. Don’t know x 2.

*only, ever.

1. Had a look and nobody had done owt so i didn’t either. Cool story bro.

2. Same.

3. Oh.

Pretty smalltime of Jose Mourinho to call us out on international TV for never actually managing to highlight 5 things we’ve learned imho.

Here’s 5 things we learned, just for Jose:

1. Marcus Rashford is the future of everything (Orange lied to us).

2. Lovely touch having the A-Team playing at HT, legit highlight imho.

3. That trophy is so close I can almost taste it.

4. Scratch that – it tastes like bum.

5. Hey!! That’s my actual bum you just scratcBOOM!

With Halloween just around the corner, we’re giving this analysis an egg theme…

An egg each took the match into Added Egg Time and then eggsactly what happened next has been destroyed in the fire.

No doubt, Capper Roo set the eggsample, and Michael ‘The Michael Carrick’ Carrick, and Ashley ‘The Elder’ Young did the rest.

.

Here’s 5 eggs we learned:

1) Rooney is bad.

2) People like tinned peas (and eggs).

3) Rooney is an egg. Sorry eggs.

4) Vangle is an anagram of eg vlan. Like Egg Flan.

5) Eggs are EASTER.

6) This was a waste of your time and ours and eggs.