Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Having a midfielder who can pass accurately and quickly is handy. Also a guy who can take corners. Seems so obvious with hindsight.

2. Fred is a delight

3. Luke Shaw is quite clearly 90% pancakes now

4. I liked it when Scud was telling Blade that he’d been a familiar the whole time and that the bomb was a dud and laughed at Blade but then Blade was all ‘I knew the whole time you fucking melt’ and then blew him up

5. I concur

6. lol @ I concur

Here is another 5 things we learned, taking our total tally of learns over the last 4 years to an impressive 2:

1. Bad defending is ok as long as you endanger the opposition in an exciting manner

2. I though the blackjack challenge was tedious. Then I started the dominoes one

3. Decorating licks balls but the stain finish is delightful

4. Boy what about Matic getting MoTM are these guys blind, right?

5. I actually quite enjoyed the game and it’s been ages since that happened so imo that was good.

6. I missed every goal so didn’t enjoy it quite as much

7. This is Lukaku. Lol. Geddit??!! Cos of the misses.

8. Next time we should try scoring first and then scoring from our own kick off imo.

Here’s 5 things we learned that we have never learned before. This checks out (but don’t check this (out)):

1. Brighton might be the greatest team of all time and that is why we lost.

2. Brighton might not be the greatest team of all time and we lost because we are, in effect, Abso fucking clownshoes.

3. It’s 2.

4. At least City lost.

5. Oh.

That’s right … Mushrooms and Skin Cream. Mushrooms and Skin Cream.

Here’s 5 things we learned (we actually learned 6 things but Brett’s 6th thing was diss on the NHS, so, he is a “bad” “guy”):

1. Winning is definitely better than losing.

2. Ladies and gentleman we have ourselves a left back*

3. *results based on low-calorie diet.

4. Sanchez is the new Depay/Di Maria/the guy we swopped for Sanchez.

5. I liked it right near the end when Bailly wanted to boot the ball away in frustration but visibly choked it down amazing self-control imho.

(@Benglorious)

Tonight is make or break, do or die, dog eat dog, boy meets world, girl on girl, north by northwest for United. The Europa League is our last shot at being big time Charlies this season, but there’s always the chance we will massively balls it up. Well, not even massively knowing us.

Prediction: A debut goal for Rashford on his debut followed by Herrera literally being scared to death by his own shadow leads to UEFA abandoning the match, followed quickly by the entire shameful tournament. 1-0 to the Arsenal.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Not doing words tonight as I hate us rn and they (the stupid readers) don’t deserve my genius. ‘Us” in this case – and only this case – means United, not you and me and … Brett, is it?

Prediction: All the nils. Lose on no goals rule.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Looking forward to having a good old right old laugh at us losing and finishing 5th. One day we’ll all meet up at 2’0’clock, at the fountain down the road. AND I SAID…

Mindhorn (2017)

Don’t. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: It will be strange. 0-0 United.

Here’s 5 things we learned at the weekend:

1. We’re shit.

2. I cannot adequately express the rage I experience watching Wayne Rooney try and play football. It is embarrassing. He must know it’s embarrassing. Fuck off m8.

3. I think 1 & 2 covers it.

4. Tom covered it.

5. See 4.

Prediction: JoMo to pull the ultimate tactical masterstroke by playing Shaw and Rojo up front, Fellaini in the number 10 role, and Mata at inverted libero. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Nah it is for tools ie youse.

Mechanic: Resurrection  (2016)

Jason Statham reprises his role as that driving guy but in a different franchise. Jessica Alba has a ruddy hot butt. That aside, pretty good.

m

Prediction: Plenty of bums tickled by celery. 0-0 United.

m 

(@bifurcated_utd)

Chelsea, were formed on the slopes of The Ski Centre in Hemel Hempstead and were originally known as Chelski. When a Russian man did the team and bought all the fans super yachts this name was changed to ChelSEA (Chelsea). Probably.

Benno already posted this preview before I finished, so he can go suck a fuck.

Tom sure does talk a lot of arse.

Prediction: Goals for Pogba and Lingard. At some point in the season. 0-0 United.

 (@Benglorious)

Christmas was good because Brett didn’t try and force any of his lyrics on me. In unrelated news, I’m out of lyrics.

Prediction: Middlesbra used to have Ravanelli playing up front. Rava-fucking-nelli. Ask your dad. Or Paul, whichever is oldest. Paul. Happy New Year or whatever. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Not writing words because I legit hate you two and our audience (Paul).

Also Middlesborough are for tools.

Prediction: Who/when are we playing?

m 

 (@ttackattackattack)

It’s the end of another great year for the great friends team at Bifurcated Towers! Not nearly nominated for an FBA. And only blocked by 37 users of popular social media platform Twitter. I was only dead for 312 days. Tom thought about writing a blog post with words. And I don’t think I’m forgetting anyone else. Oh yeah, how could I forget Paul?! That’s definitely it now.

Here’s to another 1000 posts and some more great lols in 2017!! Or, what the critics are calling 20BIFteen. That a joke worked better in 2015 and also slightly better in 2016 tbf.

Prediction: 0-0 United.