Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. If the second half was anything like the first half it must’ve been an awful match.

2. I didn’t watch the second half.

3. I hope that implication was clear.

4. Because the first half was terrible.

5. What was the final score?

6. Why do they keep sending cannon fodder after Frank? These are supposed to be professional mercenaries.

7. I can’t help you. I just watched half time.

(@Benglorious)

The last thing standing between us and qualification for the knockout stages of the Champions League is a team called Basel, or, as our American cousins say, Ahreggano. Jokes, I don’t have an American cousin. If I did, he or she would have very easy access to firearms but have to wait until they were 21 before they could buy a drink. I hope they live somewhere with beaches and have lots of money.

Prediction: I’ve forgotten my point. Lukaku to want to be just left alone and for fuck’s sake is that really my lightsaber? Fuck. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Newcastle United – or as the purists know them, The Black and White Stripers – are a team near the North Eastern hamlet of Sunderland. Their entire economy is based upon their patented Brown Ale sales, conveniently ignoring the fact most ales are actually brown. Their manager (fat, Spanish) has extensive PL experience (FACT lol) as well as being a fully trained waiter. Man I miss the international break.

Famous fans: Jon Bon Jovi, Tito Puente, Geordie Pete (driver who delivers us stuff, assures us he is well famous on the toon)

The Punisher (2017)

Frank Castle follows in his father’s footsteps and learns tap dancing lol of course not he is actually a very disturbed man who kills criminals with extreme violence i.e. sledgehammers and cement. Whilst singing Record Breakers lol its  the same joke that his dad was Roy Castle, may God have mercy on his tap-dancing soul.

Prediction: Alan Shearer. 3-0 United, horses punched. 

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Basel again?! WTF?!

Prediction:  0-0 United.