Drums please … Woooh! What a wicky-wah-wicky-wah-wicky-wah-wicky-wild result! Just slide with me, just slide with me, just slide with me, c’mon and take a walk with me … scoring dramatic late goals to win games like it’s 2000. Excuse me … Willenium. Herrera celebrated like it was 1999. Hold up it is. Memphis got jiggy with it. Let’s go to my yacht on the west keys and ride my jet-skis. Yo home smell yer later.

Here’s uh 5 things we learned haha wha? Uh:

1) Arsenal are good at the penalties. Haha.

2) Obama had bad news. Wha?

c) Loving Memphis’ modern homage to Kareem Abdul-Jabber from Enter the Dragon. Uh.

3) Bastian isn’t short for Sebastian. Which is some proper medieval gangsta crap right there. Haha. Uh.

4) Idea for a Match of the Day spin off: Just the two of us – Alan Shearer and Martin Keown set fire to themselves. I don’t light it. Uh-huh. Yo. Haha.

5) Memphis is bringing back retro standard lamp chic. Something all of us in the Bifurcated office are all very excited about. Wha? Wha? Uh. Haha.

8) 5 and c are the same but different. Word.

IX) Not sure what the Will Smith thing is about, Paul.