Roondog is well and truly back. Run tell your Mamma. Scream it from the rooftops. Throw a party for some friends you haven’t seen since like forever. Live today like it’s your last. Tell that man or woman in the office that you flirt with occasionally, that you would leave your husband or wife and children for a sniff of his or her gusset. Sing. Dance. Rejoice. Overdose on this unparalleled joy.

Lol @ The Premier League if this shower of towels finish in the top four.

I blame Benno.

Here’s 5 things we learned about the matchings:

*graph with upward projection emoji*) I like how when we win now it means nothing because you know the next game could be the exact opposite.

*graph with downward projection emoji*) I really fucking hate Wayne. Irrationally tbf but even still, can we release him into some woods.

5) Victoria?

6) Too soon.

2) Streams is not gud.

3) United r gudder than streams.

4) Just barely.

1) Or sometimes fully-clothedly.

2 revisited) Streams muted with other radio commentary is also not gud, cos radio waves travel faster than stream waves, and so you hear the thing that’s about to actually happen approximately 37 seconds before you see it actually happen.

2 rerevisited) If only there was a legal way to watch a match live, in actual time, with everything actually happening as it’s actually happening. I’d pay handsomely for that.

Here’s five things we learned:

1) 0-0 draws are the new 5-0 wins.

2) Why hasn’t Fellaini been turned into glue yet?

3) Why haven’t we got a better a joke than the a glue one yet?

4) Newspapers never lie.

5) What about smoke machines?