Pogba and Martial were the conductors collecting tickets, as the passengers from the North East were left without a seat in the first class carriage, cos Martial and Pogba had reserved them for themselves, and they weren’t moving for anyone, even small children and pensioners cos their goals were purchased online weeks in advance. Choo-Choo – one more like, cos of the trains. Full steam ahead!!

Here’s 5 things we learned at the festive football buffet cart:

1. Martial = actually good.

2. Pogba = actually good.

3. Fellaini = actually not *that* bad unless you compare him everyone else who is actually good.

4. Suck it Lee Mason, you bastard chimera of foreskin and Phil Mitchell.

5. See 1-4 above.

6. 1 to 4 or 1 minus 4? Both = actually good. Just not sure our audience would appreciate the intricacies/intelligenceness of the arguments raised/consideredness by -3. Or any of our – points. Hence, I only ever publish the 5 plus points.

7. Bob Mortified more like.

 (@Benglorious)

Christmas was good because Brett didn’t try and force any of his lyrics on me. In unrelated news, I’m out of lyrics.

Prediction: Middlesbra used to have Ravanelli playing up front. Rava-fucking-nelli. Ask your dad. Or Paul, whichever is oldest. Paul. Happy New Year or whatever. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Not writing words because I legit hate you two and our audience (Paul).

Also Middlesborough are for tools.

Prediction: Who/when are we playing?

m 

 (@ttackattackattack)

It’s the end of another great year for the great friends team at Bifurcated Towers! Not nearly nominated for an FBA. And only blocked by 37 users of popular social media platform Twitter. I was only dead for 312 days. Tom thought about writing a blog post with words. And I don’t think I’m forgetting anyone else. Oh yeah, how could I forget Paul?! That’s definitely it now.

Here’s to another 1000 posts and some more great lols in 2017!! Or, what the critics are calling 20BIFteen. That a joke worked better in 2015 and also slightly better in 2016 tbf.

Prediction: 0-0 United.