Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. We really are fucking shit

2. Ole started his United managerial career on a wing and a prayer but now his wings are on fire and his prayers have been answered. By Satan.

3. I enjoyed the bits I didn’t watch which is all of it

4. They were the best bits tbf

5. Seconded

(@Benglorious)

Still think we’re gonna jinx us by doing a preview.

Prediction: Halle Berry to win it with a last-gasp header. 0-0 United. 

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Born Free >>>>> Jason Bourne >>>>> Jason and the Argonauts >>> Born Mouth

Spider-Man: Far from home (2019)

Couldn’t enjoy it because of what Scorsese and Coppola said just sat there muttering ‘despicable’ repeatedly.

Prediction: 6-0. The day all the chickens come home to roost, meaning more eggs, meaning more iron. Or is that Bull’s Testicles? who can remember the mind plays tricks. Me to be singing Born Free, as free as the wind blows all day what a great lion 

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

The day I don’t do words, those pricks will write a fucking essay.

Prediction: They won’t.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Pretty sure Rashford’s mum and dad are Maradona and Pele

2. Pele definitely not the dad

3. lol because of his limp member

4. lol

(@Benglorious)

There’s nothing better than a top of the table six-pointer the day before New Year’s Eve. Except for smart water. That shit is tight.

Prediction: Goals for all the players who pooped in Jose’s kettle at the Lowry. 11-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I am out of the office until Jan 4th. Please direct all enquiries to someone who gives a fuck.

Prediction: Valencia to be the best captain he can be and also home to those fine orange fruits that I forget the name of. 0-0 United.

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

The honeymoon period is clearly over as Ole Gunnar Scroogekjaer has scheduled his third game in charge to take place the day before New Year’s Eve, just to show who’s boss. Cos of my last preview about Boxing Day. Hashtag Theme.

Prediction: More boring goals. 0-0 United.

(@Benglorious)

I am on holiday so suck your disappointment right on its dick.

Prediction: Me to ruin my holiday for me (I’m obvs on holiday alone cos me) by constantly checking my phone to see what great a jokes Brett is tweeting tonight. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

What words? Are we playing tonight? On a Wednesday?? Make me. Seriously.

Prediction: I should be able to do some words when I get home but I maybe sitting in the sun instead. 0-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

After Sunday’s clown shoes display against the second worst football team in the EPL, behind us, I will not be watching out of respect for the memory of goals.

If Mourinho is planning to drop some players, I would like to request ‘on their heads … and kick them in their heads repeatedly with some really hard shoes on like clogs while they are on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness’

Prediction: All 11 (eleven) players to play so abso terribly tonight that Jo Mo has no players to select for the FA Cup game against Tottenham “based on form”, so brings Luke Shaw, Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba, and Karel Poborsky out of retirement to play at the weekend, and we get battered. 0-0 United.

5 things we learned:

1. Illegal streams leave a lot to be desired.

2. No Last Jedi spoilers McGhee I swear to God I’ll fuck you up.

3. Lips, sealed. But I was shocked to see Han return as a force ghost.

4. Glol.

(@Benglorious)

CORAL.  It’s not televised.

Prediction:  0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Are we on telly tonight? Can’t see it anywhere call bullshit. Blue Planet. It’s why we dressed you as a fish for 6 weeks. Haha I didn’t tell you to do it for the HALIBUT!

Prediction: 0-0 United

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

What programme did we do? Ohhhhh! I thought there was something FISHY about that!

Prediction: 0-0 United.