(@Benglorious)

There’s nothing better than a top of the table six-pointer the day before New Year’s Eve. Except for smart water. That shit is tight.

Prediction: Goals for all the players who pooped in Jose’s kettle at the Lowry. 11-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I am out of the office until Jan 4th. Please direct all enquiries to someone who gives a fuck.

Prediction: Valencia to be the best captain he can be and also home to those fine orange fruits that I forget the name of. 0-0 United.

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

The honeymoon period is clearly over as Ole Gunnar Scroogekjaer has scheduled his third game in charge to take place the day before New Year’s Eve, just to show who’s boss. Cos of my last preview about Boxing Day. Hashtag Theme.

Prediction: More boring goals. 0-0 United.

(@Benglorious)

They should rename Boxing Day as Pooping Day because that’s all I’ve been shifting out that end all morning. From log cabins to rusty water and all the varieties of pebbledash in between, I haven’t even had time to try on all my new socks at once because I’ve been practicing surrealism on a porcelain canvas. Fucking love Christmas.

Prediction: Many goals for players who dropped tools on Mourinho, many apps, many dancings. 0-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Not doing words today because it’s a fucking holiday Brett you slave-driving and slave-maiming fuck.

Prediction: I’m the only one without Solskjaer’s face on my face. Cos I love Roondog and don’t want to forget the impact he had on my life i.e pathetic.M

(@bifurcated_utd)

The honeymoon period is clearly over as Ole Gunnar Scroogekjaer has scheduled his second game in charge to take place on Boxing Day just to show who’s boss.

Prediction: Indigestion. Turkey repeating. No time to take presents back to Debenhams even though Aunty Pogba put the receipt in with the socks. 0-0 United.

(@Benglorious)

It’s Christmas, so why don’t you and Lenny Henry fuck off?

Prediction:  0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Lol.

Prediction: 0-0 United

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Make us.

Prediction: 0-0 United.