I learned a valuable lesson this week: when something wins it’s British, and when it loses it’s Scottish. Not exactly sure of the benefits of being British, apart from you don’t have to pay for stuff with paper money that people want to throw house bricks at you for using, on site, and I suppose you don’t have to be a ginger. Geographically, I don’t think there’s much in it. What’s the little island called where the three-legged people live? Isle of Man? Yeah, peace brother. Guess we’ll never know… for now, all we need to know, is that after the weekend’s resounding victory, United are British.

Note to self:  find out what ‘geographically’ means. And what sound a ‘re’ makes.

I was shocked to discover that Bob and Ted had actually gone to a football game irl. I thought ‘football’ was just a discussion topic on Twitter tbh. Apparently, teams meet up every week. They should really advertise this more. Leave some cards in phoneboxes and stick a couple of notices up down the welfare. The corner shop do photocopying – 4p for A4 black and white and 10p for colour. You could put a couple in the shop window too if you asked nicely. My cat went missing before Christmas and they let me put a poster up in there for just a fiver a day. I found her. She died soon after. And now I’m alone.

Thought for the day: If the only thing in your life is a football based website, why don’t you try a bit harder/at all?