(@Benglorious)

If I get time, I’ll do the best Southampton joke there’s ever been. If I don’t get time, I’ll just mention Craig David.

Prediction: I may miss the start of the match so someone will have to fill me in. This is our most important match of the last seven days. Pogba was born to do it. What’s your flava? 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Tried to rename this section as the ‘Claudio Ranieri Tribute Edition’ but was shot down by fascists and scumbags (Brett). The fact this final is still being played is a slap in the face to all that’s decent (Claudio Ranieri) in football and only serves to highlight the ever-widening chasm between the haves and haven’ts (have nots) in our national game – if the spineless FA had any spine, they’d’ve rebadged it as ‘The Ranieri Final and thanks for winning the league that time’ but I guess modern football has no time for heroes.

We’re playing Southampton, a town famous for sinking the Titanic.

Claudio Ranieri (2017)

What a fairytale i.e. unbelievable. Born in 1951, he is a year younger than my dad. Has my dad ever won the league? No. Should he have? Yes. Good one, Dad. All my clothes now have his initials on (Claudio’s. I’m not weird) That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Throw-ins. Few corners/goal kicks/freekicks. No pens. 2-0 United, Ibra brace/booked for revealing new Claudio Ranieri back tattoo.

(@bifurcated_utd)

I am completely behind the renaming of this this section the ‘Claudio Ranieri Tribute Edition’, and not to point fingers but who is the one who has not (hasn’t) written anything i.e is the fascist and is the scumbag (Benno).

I have done all the research on Southampton and it has proved rewarding. When the North, East, West and South of Ampton split following the great Ampton Splitting In To Four Parts War of the early 1100s, it was widely thought that in 2017 someone with all that time to prepare would be able to write a preview joke.

Prediction: 90 minutes of pure time. Plus a few more minutes where appropriate. Pens. If appropriate. 0-0 United.

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 FLC Nominated for crimes against fun/lols (@Benglorious)

Losttheirlustre City is the kind of joke you should always start with. Secondly, you should say something about Red Leicester even though they play in blue. Needs workshopping, that one. I’ll see if Brett manages to punch it up and then just steal it.

Coming off the back of the Northampton game is something you’d normally get arrested for, but not these pampered millionaires. Classic double standards in my harambe opinion. Disunirregardless of the quality of United’s legal team, the victory still counts so now we’re back on track for another treble. Leicester are the current holders of one of the trophies, but it can’t be one of the important ones because it’s Leicester innit.

Prediction: The only type of goal that Rashford hasn’t scored yet is a 40-yard screaming header, so put your house on him scoring at least one of those. Every two minutes. 6-0 United.

 FYC Nominated for driving us Craaaazy (@tom_mcghee)

Got to go to A&E chances are I won’t be back. So feel free to write mine.

Bridget Jones’ Baby 2016

The eponymous heroine of the cult trilogy returns for more glols than you can shake an ageing/dead-eyed Mr Darcy at. Who’s the Daddy? Is it him? Is it him? Guess we’ll never know, unless we stay till at least the end of the trailers next time. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Mourinho and Ranieri to get themselves into a hilarious scuffle, that sees them both end up in a water feature by a posh house and emerge ABSOLUTELY WET THROUGH!!!! Comedy gold. 12-0 United cos Rash. 0-12 Leicester cos Rooney.

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 F&F nominated best rainbow t-shirt *wink wink* (@ttackattackattack)

LIEcester more like. Cos ‘I’ before ‘E’, accept after ‘C’. And Lies. As in conspiracies. Have you ever noticed how you never see Leicester, the so called English Premier League Champions, and the English Premier League Trophy in the same dream about Gary Lineker’s tits?

Speaking of which: after Gary Lineker broke his promise of doing MOTD in his underwear by presenting in a giant’s handkerchief, Leicester have lost their lustre. Losttheirluster more like. That’s pretty good actually. Should have started with that tbh.

Prediction: Young Rash and his permanent purple patch: he shoots from every angle and indigo. That’s mine. You can’t use it without asking very nicely. 0-0 United.