It’s the one, two (though technically a number), three, four, five, siSIX words you’ve all been waiting all your “Boohoo it’s not like 2014, we’ve only had 2 days of actual hot weather” summers for …

Here’s 5 things us have learned:

1. That’s right: actual numbers to show I’m super serial. Wayne – contrary to all our hopes – hasn’t become the only player to get better again after being awful for ages. Release him into the wild imho.

2. Policy of allowing guns on the bench immediately called into question re: ‘The Mata Incident’.

3. It seems obvious Fellaini is coasting until next year’s Guardians cut him loose. Or down (lol, like you would a tree).

A) I’m going for real letters as they are the mark of a truly professional list compiler

B) Six subs per team is a good idea so that the well-paid athletes don’t get too tired

C) Substitutions, not submarines.

D) Or subways

E) Submarines and subways are actually what Paul is spending the patreon money on

4F) <- the most professionalist yet.  What’s this Patreon business? I don’t want to suggest links to the Cuban Missile Crisis/Bay of Pigs debacle/JFK assassination but can we just dismiss these out of hand? No. And now for my 9th point: [rest of transcript stolen. By rantcast? Who can say?]

G-Five) <- Obviously the denominator of a superior mind, perhaps that of a Supreme Court judge or that guy that thought up Avatar.

*Apollo Creed

III-H-6ix) <- This is fun. I’ve missed us. This. Us. Us doing this. lol jokes. I wish I was actually dead.

i) I’m going for Roman Numerals cos nothing says timeless classic like a lower case letter i.

ii) Did they have caps lock before anus dominoes?

III) Guess we’ll never know