Bifurcated Manchester United » Cupboard https://bifurcated.co.uk Quasi-Futuristic Allegorical Football Meta-Narrative Sun, 24 Apr 2022 09:33:40 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.41 Sunderland vs. United https://bifurcated.co.uk/manchester-united-chitty-chatty/pregame/sunderland-vs-united-6 https://bifurcated.co.uk/manchester-united-chitty-chatty/pregame/sunderland-vs-united-6#comments Sun, 09 Apr 2017 12:50:57 +0000 http://bifurcated.co.uk/?p=15517

Manchester United v Feyenoord - UEFA Europa League - Group A - Old Trafford

(@Benglorious)

David Moyes has gone from the heady heights of success with Everton, had a lucky escape from the quagmire that is Manchester United and is now back on top again at the Premiership League’s biggest club-that-plays-in-red-and-white-and-also-won-the-1973-FA-Cup-final. He’s a modern day hero, like Achilles but without the dodgy ankle. We should all aspire to be like him.
Mourinho’s career, on the other hand, has only soared meteorically since he started out teaching the Barcelona players how to speak Geordie. No troughs for this guy – just one continuous, joyful peak, crammed full of trophies. He’s a modern day Jesus, but one that actually looks forward to Easter.

Prediction: Moyes to crank up the post-match interview game by drop-kicking everyone in the head. 0-0 United.

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2017-02-10 23.14.32 (@tom_mcghee)

Captain Fellaini 2017

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That aside, BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Prediction: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  0-0 United.

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(@bifurcated_utd)

David Moyes was never afforded the credit he deserved for masterminding our great escape from the top four, and paving the way for future generations of 6th place finishes. Hopefully, his achievements at Sunderland, in finally fulfilling their lifelong ambition to be relegated, will be suitably rewarded i.e death by cupboard dropped on his stupid mouth face from a plane carrying a ‘chosen one’ banner, piloted by Marouane Fellaini.

Alternate preview: The cupboard was never afforded the credit he deserved for masterminding our capacity to draw (DRAWER).

Alternate preview 2: Phallus in Sunderland (Alice in Wonderland).

Prediction: All the possessions. All the shots. All the posts. All the goals disallowed for being onside. All the things she said. All the things she said, running through my head, running through my head, running through my head (but substitute ‘she’ for ‘he’ i.e Jose, photoshopped over a picture of Luke Shaw). GGMU. 0-0 United.

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