If the Universe was truly balanced then RVN would jump up behind Martin Keown like an evil clown on acid every time he opened his mouth. Next time he’s on Match of the Day, I’ll be putting my foot through the telly and sending Gary Crisps the etc…

This match played out like the Hallmark greetings card we deserved: reminding us that sometimes it’s not the big Ings, but the Smallings that count.

I can’t remember us playing this consistently terribly, whilst still winning games, and also remaining in the top four, since Fergs. And Vangle is doing it without Robin Van Legsonroids. Totes Vangle >>> Fergs innit.

If only someone would have noticed Burnley were playing in a silver kit we could have all had a right good laugh about it on Twitter.

Today is apparently the 4th anniversary of RooRoo’s goal against City. Imagine if the only thing you’d achieved in the past four years of your career was a goal with your shin?

You can read the rest of my thoughts on the game at SportWalrus.co.uk

Thought for the Day: When life gives you lemons, stick them in defence.

“You should have a goblet of wine… It’s blood from a cats face… Hahahaha you like my joke…?”

Benno (@Benglorious)

So many games in so little time.  It’s like Christmas all over again but without the traditional burning of churches.  Burnley are the opponents tonight.  They’re from Burnley, which got its name from *insert your own tired joke here*.

Prediction:  Vangle will be looking to prove FAT SAM’S long ball theories wrong tonight with a GRAND SLAM of majestic goals so he’ll be able to SPEAKEASY at his next press conference.  YOUNG JODIE FOSTER will score a quick brace and UNKNOWN CHILD ACTOR will seal the win with a cheeky third goal.  1-0 Burnley.

Our friend James loves opening crisp packets from the wrong end, Disneyland Paris and marionettes (they’re NOT puppets):

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Went to Uni with a lad from Burnley but his name was Chris BARNSLEY. Got a first and then it turned out his dad was an English Professor at Hull or summat.

Prediction: Forgot it was on.

Brett (@bifurcated_mufc)

I only recently discovered football exists irl. It was around the same time I broke up with my girlfriend of ten years. I went to the dad’s bible – the BBC website – and found their beginner’s guide on how to get into ‘the beautiful game’…

Not sure how that helped.

Prediction: Jokes about Burnley having same kit as West Ham and Villa and about Sean Dyche clearing his throat. Hahaha just got them. Brilliant. Ander to come in for Rooney and to wow the crowds across the globe with his tour-de-force masterclass in midfieldernessisms. Then gets subbed off for Rooney at half time. Rooney scuffs in the winner. *adopts gravelled voice* 1-0 to not Villa, West Ham or Burnley.