m

(@Benglorious)

Fuck Andy Murray. I don’t hate him because he’s Scottish. I don’t hate him because he’s a miserable cunt. I don’t even hate him because he plays the most Tory of sports. I hate him because he let the Green Goblin kill Gwen Stefani.

Prediction: Respect from Poch, enthusiasm from Ole, narrative from the press, Jenny from the block. 0-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I’ve always liked Andy Murray; good at tennis and fantastic mints. Please disregard Benno’s work as it is riddled with inaccuracies* and please disregard Brett’s for its jingoistic nonsense.

Legit don’t know what I want to happen today – if Poch wins it might make him want to stay at Spurs but then it might spur (lol like their name) them on to win something which might make him feel like he can go to United after achieving something. If we win, he might think ‘fuck this they’ve been shit for ages but in 5 weeks they’ve got good again and they have money’ but then also it might strengthen Ole’s case for the job full-time which could mean we miss out on Poch but then also wouldn’t that mean that Ole is better and should get the job anyway? I don’t want to even think about what it could mean if its a draw.

*he was fooled by the rocks that she’s got

Prediction: a lot of ‘Lads its Spurs’ posts with a picture of Ole talking to some players if we win, a lot of Mourinho bashing if we lose. 5-5, the greatest game in football’s history.

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

This game should be postponed out of respect for Andy Murray.

**heard it’s common place in the bronx to insure your arse for £60 million tbf.

Prediction: this game not to be postponed out of respect for Andy Murray. Abso disgrace imho. 0-0 United.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. After a couple of minor upgrades Atreus becomes a decent ally to Kratos.

2. Herrera is the Lingard that Dele Alli thinks he is.

3. I like how every game lately has been like an A-Team episode i.e. gang gets captured (concedes a goal) but then B.A (Bad Attitude) Baracus ain’t getting on no plane.

4. Harry Kane should shave that beard before WC to avoid the old maxim ‘striker with beard, not to be feared’ imho. It also makes him look like Teen Wolf.

5. Think it’s asking a bit much to ask Harry Kane to shave that beard every time he goes to the toilet tbh.

The philRooneylastminutepenaltyosophy was all set until Charlie Austin powers inI SAID AUSTIN POWERS!!!! I’ve forgotten my point.

Like our beloved United players on the Twits … here’s some learnings we won’t be doing in the aftermath of this … I want to say ‘game’?:

€) I’m not sure Vzzbxt is right.

1996) Benjamin Linus >>>> Charles Widmore

&) Wish someone would write me a six page love letter.

+) A six letter love letter would be enough.

and) Or just an empty promise of thinking about it.

n) Or just let me out of this wardrobe.

●) I thought we played very well – I particularly enjoyed Dele Alli’s goal. The lad has a bright future here.