That’s right … Mushrooms and Skin Cream. Mushrooms and Skin Cream.

Here’s 5 things we learned (we actually learned 6 things but Brett’s 6th thing was diss on the NHS, so, he is a “bad” “guy”):

1. Winning is definitely better than losing.

2. Ladies and gentleman we have ourselves a left back*

3. *results based on low-calorie diet.

4. Sanchez is the new Depay/Di Maria/the guy we swopped for Sanchez.

5. I liked it right near the end when Bailly wanted to boot the ball away in frustration but visibly choked it down amazing self-control imho.

Paul Pogba, the second best of all the Pauls we know, out of the two we know, did two priceless goals, priced at 43 million Euro each. Though, he has Michael “Michael Carrick” Carrick to thank, for doing all his homework for him, and preparing his packed lunch.

Robin van Personallycouldntgiveafuck scored. Huzzah!! Everyone’s a winner. Except losers. And people who bet on United keeping a clean sheet. Unless they cashed out. Or didn’t make it to the bookies in time. Or had another bet on RVP sco

Here’s the 5 things we learned. None of which we have learned before, previously, in the past, or ever will again, in the future, or again:

1) Pogba is worth double what we paid for him regardless of what I said previously.

2) Memphis is still bad.

3) Think the dab could really catch on.

4) Memphis has gotten worse since 2)

5) Robbie Savage is an anus.

6) There’s absolutely no way we’re gonna lose a game by conceding 4 goals, after this performance.

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 FBA-Nominated Maverick (@Benglorious)

The last time we played Northampton we actually had good players who were proven goalscorers for United – Diego Forlan and Mikaël Silvestre both netted that day. Those were the good times. Nowadays, we’re not even sure we can beat a team that is five hundred places below us in the league even though we’ve literally spent all the money on all the players and all the managers. Glory Glory Man United.

Prediction: JoMo to cease to exist because people stop talking about him. No-Marcus Gashfraud to hate the silencers by scoring a reverse-backheel. Pogba to score a hat-trick of doubt. 5-4 Northampton.

 FBA-Nominated Hammerlegend (@tom_mcghee)

I don’t know where Northampton is and I’m pretty sure I’ve driven through it more than twelve times.

What was always going to be a ‘let’s hope United slip up’ kinda game, I think the additional presence of a UN Peacekeeping force – in case any stray comments hurt one of our players – will raise the spectacle level by 2. Making it a 3. And as anyone who knows numbers will tell you, 3 is a magic number. Yes it is, it’s the magic number; somewhere in this hip-hop soul community, was born 3, Mase Dove and Me and that’s the magic number. What does it all mean? My analysis: Everybody wants to be a DJ, everybody wants to be an MC.

Prediction: Being Speakers are the best. Cease and Desist order from De La Soul’s legal representation, Pogba triple hat-trick to silence the haters, scientific proof that Rash actually is the second coming. 1-0, United.

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 FBI-Most Wanted (@ttackattackattack)

I am joining a monastery and hereby relinquish all sites and awards to Tom and Benno, the real heroes. Is something I would never say. I don’t even like monsters. Or Tom. Or Benno. Or either of them tbh. But, if I had to pick just one to like, forever, then I would have to say Joshua Tree.

Northampton, Northampton, Northampton. Hey?! What can be said about Northampton that hasn’t been already said: backwards sounds like a Danish baddy Transformer from the past and present future BC. Check if anyone has said that. Then, tell me who’s the baddest MF.

Prediction: RashforDeeply Depay bout the curves you got. Deeply hot; hot for the curves you got. Ohhhh Me-emphis… You can use that Benno. Just came to me. Use it. Or you’re fired. Scum. Pogba to triple the haters with a silent-trick. 0-0 United.

 Benno (@Benglorious)

Writing your preview second usually means something has gone very, horribly wrong with the time/space continuum. That, or those pricks are just trying to show you up. Or you’re on holiday with very little free time to write what with all the sunbathing and drinking. The time/space continuum is probably the right answer. We’ll have to wait and saw what we will found out in the future.

Opposition Summary: City are from the city but so are United. It’s all very complicated and confusing and even the top top scientists can’t explain how it works and they’re really smart. City play in a blue shirt but not a nice, smart blue – it’s like a nice, smart blue that’s been washed too many times, possibly with bleach. Or, it used to be white and it got boil washed with a shirt that was a nice, smart blue. 

Prediction: Brett’s loneliness to remain. United to smash their rivals just like they did Liverpool and West Brom. Then, they’ll have to wake up and go to the stadium and try and win real good at the football. Brett to die alone and no girls mourn him. Valencia with a goal, Herrera with the other two. Nobody remembers Brett. 0-0 United.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Writing your preview third means you don’t have to bother.

Airplane! (1980)

That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Louis to announce adult-baby fetish in attempt to distract further from the huge amount of failure. It fails. This is all part of the process/philosophy.

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 Brett(@ttackattackattack)

Writing your preview first means that inevitably the other two will use yours as a reference point for their own a joke, so, I’m not going to leave myself vulnerable to those hyper-vultures by mentioning anything about my painful disadventurous attempts to find love in this cruel cruel cruel world; especially as this week I actually, finally, comprehensively, and actually, seemingly managed to convince someone that I had a modicum of worth, only to find that she is moving to the opposite end of the planet in two weeks (fast forward three weeks, to me seeing her in the street innit). And the other one who I was going out for dinner with the other week – who didn’t even make an excuse in the end, just didn’t turn up – has now actually, comprehensively, and finally, and actually, seemingly denied my very existence ever since (fast forward 10 minutes, to my ontological reassessment/break down innit). It’s almost as if they know exactly what they’re missing.

Anyway, not gonna go there and present them towels with a free shot at my heart tank. Jokes on them cos the shards of my heart that remain are so brittle and small they’ll have difficulty hitting them.

At least I have my beloved Vangle’s Army providing the joyous antidotal window to escape through.

Prediction: :'(  0-0 United.