(@Benglorious)

 (@tom_mcghee)

Can’t do words today pals please make up some.

Although I don’t think Wolves should be allowed to be football unfair on both sides imho

Be football? I’d’ve said ‘play football’ makes more sense that way imho you bald cunt

Though kicking wolves around for 90 minutes would be unfair too

Don’t think it’d play out like that tbh they hunt in packs unless they’re lone wolf aka Texas Ranger

I’m also unavailable to kick wolfs

Top 3 wolves:

1. Air

2. Peter and the

3. Big bad

worst = gladiator

4. Man

5. Teen

Prediction: WhatsApp convos for previews don’t work.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Re above: wtf. Good job there is a serious journalist in the office today…

No doubt Jose Mourinho has spent most of the week analysing his alphabetised cassette tape collection as we work our way through the Duran Duran back catalogue. Though if he had started at ‘D’, he could have spent a little less time imho. Like they say, “If music is the food of life then let Alexis Sanchez play for the U23s”.

A couple of goals from Lukaku today will put us back where we bolingoli.

Prediction: This great Duran Duran a joke to end before it started. idgi. 0-0 United. 

(@Benglorious)

Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run girl
You’re much too young girl

m

Fuck. That ain’t right.

m

Prediction: United to get one over on Liverpool by having a player with no working eyes. His name is Jones. Phil Jones. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

After being called a kid mauler, kid rapist and paedophile last week there is no way I’m doing a preview for this one.

TBC (2018)

Haven’t watched anything this week due to depression brought on by the foul accusations mentioned above. He also called me Lee Hurst and let me tell you, that crossed some lines.

Prediction: I’m saying nothing.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

I love this Duran Duran song.

The big question facing us as the Champions’ League kicks off this evening is do we add search engine tags for ‘kid mauler’, ‘kid rapist’ and ‘paedophile’ to this post?

Haven’t had a Wednesday night off for ages, so, can’t wait to sit down with a Snapple Root Beer and tune into The Big Match on ITV.

Prediction: Whatever happens I’m sure we will all enjoy the Twitter analysis. 0 – 0 United.

 @Benglorious)

Always preferred Topman myself.

Prediction: Lukaku to deny the Emperor before being saved by his father’s last shred of humanity, the jammy bastard. 4-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Does Liz Taylor know that he’s back from the dead?

m

Prediction: Goals, goals, goals. Red lips, fingertips. 2-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Can’t believe those two stole the best Burton jokes already. Just wait until Ernie hears about this.

Prediction: Goals. On. Film. 0-0 United.