(@Benglorious)

I am unable.

Prediction: Brett will hope to find the last Arsenal preview where he hopes I also said I am unable but will actually find something annoyingly passable as a preview so will just copy and paste from my WhatsApp message where I said I am unable 0 – 0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I too am unable tell your words to suck it.

Just copy and paste from whenever we last played arsenal imho of the first time we played arsenal or any time we played arsenal.

Prediction: Brett will hope to find the last Arsenal preview where he hopes I also said just copy and paste from whenever we last played arsenal imho of the first time we played arsenal or any time we played arsenal and will actually find something annoyingly passable as a preview so will just copy and paste from my WhatsApp message where I said Just copy and paste from whenever we last played arsenal imho of the first time we played arsenal or any time we played arsenal. 0 – 0 United.

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

I went first last week with my prediction and was abso humiliated, so, I refuse to go first this time. Oh. Fuck. Think if I was pushed I could pick just one single hole in my plan; it was in going first, and thinking they might be doing a prediction, and then realising they cba’d.

Prediction: More magic. More goals. Less Paddy Power using Ole’s beautiful face. 0 – 0 United.

(@Benglorious)

Finally got round to making a Tom/Ole face/off picture for his bio after he’s cried like John Terry for seven games. Unfortunately, this has left me no time to complete my F.A. Cup pre

Prediction: Sanchez to do a good thing, Pogba to do a better thing, football to be the real winner. 0-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Love United, hate Sanchez*

*unless he scores a winner tonight in which case this was just a joke and I always knew he’d come good although he won’t because he’s a cunt.

The Punisher (Season 2, 2019)

Boy that Frank sure does love punishing people. I liked it when he fought the Russian guys in the Russian gym (I like gyms).

Prediction: Having collated raw data and facts I have determined that when we play Arsenal either they win or we do. Science tells us to expect more of the same ergo 8-6 United imho.

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

Almost a year to the day since United Legend Alexis Sanchez made the piano-tinkling switch from the True Blue Gunner Gooners to the Mighty Red Devils and it presents Alexis7 with the perfect opportunity to showcase to his former club the supreme talent they have been missing by continuing his incredible run of form and goals and inspirational leadership.

Prediction: Alexis Sanchez to score so many goals that the F.A. give us the cup at half time. 0-0 United.

(@Benglorious)

Well, look who it is! Howdy pardners. Y’all ready for the rootinest, tootinest, wildest show in the West? Course ya are. Shame it’s United then.

Prediction: Dat Guy Welbz to run rings around our midfield, broken foot and all. HMS Belfast to run rings around our midfield. Fuck it – Jupiter to run rings around our midfield. 4-1 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

The Joker actually said ‘this town needs an enema’ (Jack Nicholson, 1989). Now whilst this doesn’t make much sense as an opening sentence I cannot and will not abide Brett getting Batman wrong – I admire Brett for a number of reason (height) but when you have to resort to paraphrasing super-villains you know Mourinho has gone too far. Another point that backs this up is the abject, joyless football and his inability to change, evolve or get along with anyone for more than 3 minutes. Which is hardly Batman’s fault.

As for Arsenal: Fuck off. If you don’t have the decency to appoint a two-bit clown and then watch your club spiral downwards into a sagging mass of broken dreams and also cunts being cunts, are you even doing football right? Amateurs. Fucking amateurs.

Ant-Man and a Wasp (2018)

If you like films where the hero is both bigger and smaller than usual and also has a sidekick that can fly then this is the film for you (it has both of these). Weird lack of ants.

Prediction: Arsenal to probably win because when I’ve watched them recently they seem to know what they’re doing can only see this as a huge advantage. 2-1 Arsenal,

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

As The Joker famously said “This town needs an Emery!”

Another theory I have is that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will be the next Arsenal Manager, based on this complex algorithm: Arsene = Arsenal; Emery = Emirates.

Prediction: Whatever happens, everyone on Twitter will be extremely happy. 0-0 United.