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See the Basel preview in the future for my Newcastle preview from the past.

Prediction:  0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Newcastle United – or as the purists know them, The Black and White Stripers – are a team near the North Eastern hamlet of Sunderland. Their entire economy is based upon their patented Brown Ale sales, conveniently ignoring the fact most ales are actually brown. Their manager (fat, Spanish) has extensive PL experience (FACT lol) as well as being a fully trained waiter. Man I miss the international break.

Famous fans: Jon Bon Jovi, Tito Puente, Geordie Pete (driver who delivers us stuff, assures us he is well famous on the toon)

The Punisher (2017)

Frank Castle follows in his father’s footsteps and learns tap dancing lol of course not he is actually a very disturbed man who kills criminals with extreme violence i.e. sledgehammers and cement. Whilst singing Record Breakers lol its  the same joke that his dad was Roy Castle, may God have mercy on his tap-dancing soul.

Prediction: Alan Shearer. 3-0 United, horses punched.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Everyone knows that Sunderland are the best club in Newcastleland. For one thing they used a colour printer for their football kit uniforms.

Prediction: Jon Bongiovi’s lawyerers to send us a lawyerers letter for publishing false informations on a mainstrem website (Bifurcated.co.uk). Everyone knows that the the whole of Bon Jovi does not support Newcastle, just Jon; Richie Sambora is a Carlisle Uniteder. 0-0 United.

1. We’re lazy cunts.