(@Benglorious)

We’re back, baby, like shit trainers and herpes. This time things will be different, though. Taking a leaf from the Athletic’s journalistic model means we now have writers at the top of their game, articles with fancy words (like herpes) that will be professionally researched, and also the most cutting-edge, up-to-date news anywhere.

Prediction: United 4-0 Chelsea 

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

We are so new and cutting edge and professionally researched now it’s like we’re an athlete or something also FREE PRIZE DRAW for everyone who reads this. Idiosyncratic.

Crystal Palace is an area in London much like Buckingham or Hampton Court ie Palatial and everyone who lives there is the despised upper class – a victory today would be a win for the working man everywhere although mainly those from Manchester.

Prediction: let’s just hope we don’t get a penalty hey guys !!! But seriously, can’t see anything other than a comfortable win or defeat today.

(@bifurcated_utd)

I’ve got Athlete’s Foot. Hope that helps.

My Cousin’s Fiance went to school with Harry Maguire, and has asked if I can mention it on that “weird blog thing you do”. There. Thank me. When the wedding is called off in 4-6 months. And you’re crying yourself to death.

Prediction: Do I really have to read this to enter in to the FREE PRIZE DRAW? I’ll pass. 0-0 United.