Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. We seem a lot better when our opponents are a league or 4 below us – maybe something to look at in the future?

2. 6 goals, 6 different scorers, 6 infinity stones – coincidence? Yes.

3. Phil Jones. I’m glad he got something he’s had a helluva time.

4. It’s got to the stage now where I assumed the score was a typo

5. Just a thought: seems like a lot of the talk around our tactical and training/development shortcomings are levelled at Ole – which is reasonable tbh, cos he’s a very inexperienced manager at a club that expect better/more … but, don’t correct me if I’m wrong, Mike Phelan and Michael Carrick (who Ole didn’t pick) are the ones actually coaching the players, so, why don’t we throw eggs and flour all over THEIR cars. That’ll learn ‘em.

6. Who invited this dick (see above)?

As the mighty reds go marching on to glory in all the cups, only Jurgen Klopp and his other reds are standing in our way:

Here’s 5 things to look out for:

1. I believe we will learn to love again

2. A drunk will lose a bet (the bet will be ‘I bet we win’. He will lose because we will not. Win. I mean we will also lose)

3. Boy this is complicated

4. I’m looking forward to smashing those red cunts in a 1-1 draw and then being the only team in the entire premiership they couldn’t beat

5. Twitter will be the greatest place in the world after that. You’ll see

6. You’ll all see

7. Hearing rumours of a Shakira duet with Harry Maguire at half time

8. Which song, lol

(@Benglorious)

We’re back, baby, like shit trainers and herpes. This time things will be different, though. Taking a leaf from the Athletic’s journalistic model means we now have writers at the top of their game, articles with fancy words (like herpes) that will be professionally researched, and also the most cutting-edge, up-to-date news anywhere.

Prediction: United 4-0 Chelsea 

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

We are so new and cutting edge and professionally researched now it’s like we’re an athlete or something also FREE PRIZE DRAW for everyone who reads this. Idiosyncratic.

Crystal Palace is an area in London much like Buckingham or Hampton Court ie Palatial and everyone who lives there is the despised upper class – a victory today would be a win for the working man everywhere although mainly those from Manchester.

Prediction: let’s just hope we don’t get a penalty hey guys !!! But seriously, can’t see anything other than a comfortable win or defeat today.

(@bifurcated_utd)

I’ve got Athlete’s Foot. Hope that helps.

My Cousin’s Fiance went to school with Harry Maguire, and has asked if I can mention it on that “weird blog thing you do”. There. Thank me. When the wedding is called off in 4-6 months. And you’re crying yourself to death.

Prediction: Do I really have to read this to enter in to the FREE PRIZE DRAW? I’ll pass. 0-0 United.

AAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US etc.

Here’s the second load of 5 things we have already learned this season:

1. Crispy chilli beef is overrated.

2. Agreed. I’m not sure it’s even beef. Twiglets in a different sauce imho

3. Not that bad imho. Lost there twice last season did’t lose last night. Progress. Which is important. Apparently (I’ve never made any so unsure)

4. Just watched the goals. I’ve seen better

5. Their’s was a cross

6. Is that , you gary?

7. Have you had a stroke?

8. No, that’s just where I spilt my tea

9. lol

(@Benglorious)

Prediction: Not gonna do one. Look at the other two’s…

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Prediction: Not gonna do one. Look at the other two’s…

(@bifurcated_utd)

Prediction: Not gonna do one. Look at the other twos…