Prediction: Rashford to continue his rise to glory by scoring for the third successive game and dedicating it to Old Man Zlat. 0-0 United.

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 (@tom_mcghee)

Remember when Joey met Zlatan in France and he made that big nose gesture? Was really hoping today was the day Ibra was gonna murder him up real nice.  Think we can all agree that’s not going to happen and start looking at alternatives (I have been working on a Wild Wild wicky Wild West-esque giant mechanical spider but it’s early days yet, collateral damage would be catastrophic).

There is no film review this week as I have been just so much politics. Classic ruddy politics.

Prediction: Politics! Everywhere! Fierce opinions! Loud. Noises. 5-0 United, Keane to score a hat-trick of OGs  (own goals) which will transfer next season to AG (actual goals) when we re-sign him for 10 times what we sold him for which is just good business. Nasri with customary Brace after replacing Rooney (lol, remember him?)

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 m

(@bifurcated_utd)

I apologise to our reader for being such a let-down after the two real heroes saved the day again…

If my game on FIFA ’17 last night is anything to go by, then we’re going to win 0-3, with Roondawg scoring two from the bench. Let’s just hope Bristol City turn up, and not Burnley. And that Burnley (Bristol City) have a broken controller that defaults right every time a player collects the ball, making it easy to win possession back. And that Burnley (Bristol City) have never played FIFA ’17 before. And that Burnley (Bristol City) are drunk. And it’s 3am in the morning. And Burnley’s (Bristol City’s) girlfriend is giving them a hard time for not socialising at the house party, and instead playing FIFA ’17 with the old bald guy with no friends in the corner.

Prediction: An attacking performance of the like that no human eye has witnessed since eyes began; free from the shackles of Zlatan’s tyrannical reign of terror. 0-0 United.

The day after the night before and I started clearing the inbox on my phone. The friends who were sending text messages with 4-0 and 6-0 predictions at kick off, by the end were almost threatening to “top themselves”. I wasn’t really prepared to be witnessing a loss, so was saved from wallowing in defeat, drowning sorrows, by my lack of adequate preparation (I struggle to drink a gallon of tepid lager, without an excess of cheap cigarettes, I gave it a good go though).

How we got to extra time is proof, if it were needed, that Hodgson certainly has something about him. As I’ve said before,  whether we can really, honestly say that it’s all part of the master plan and not just beginners luck (“The Honeymoon period”) after so little time with the squad, only time will tell. The signs are good enough and I personally feel it’s the former. We’ll see. (If you’re new to this site, please feel free to substitute any cliches for those of your choosing.)

The key was always going to be if we could super-impose Rooney onto the tight(ish), organised(ish) unit we had seen in the first game and for parts of the second, and we couldn’t. Rooney hasn’t been the player we know is in there for a while, but it would take a manager with a death wish to leave him out. In terms of England, let’s hope United get in some proper players and SAF finds a way to provide him with whatever it is he’s missing.

It was all going so well in the first half (to a degree), and it appeared for a brief moment at the start of the second half, that everything was falling into place. The fall from that point on was dramatic. It was shocking to see Gerrard cramping up in the 70th  minute. That was a moment of clarity for me, a reality check, or a kick in the bollocks, you might say. We had the chances, but weren’t sharp enough in front of goal and we probably played better than we had in the previous games overall, but it was nowhere near good enough, against an Italian side who are nowhere near good enough to win the tournament. You do the math.

The third penalty is always the one that shifts the momentum, BUT what a penalty. I’m surprised Ashley Young could even walk up and place the ball after witnessing that. A-MAZ-ING!

Lots of positives, not least Roy’s calming influence on the squad and media. Lots of younger players are in the mix now, and there are  still a few who will feel aggrieved not to have gone to the tournament at all. Roy trusts players, so I don’t think the changes will be far reaching, but I think it’s exciting. I’m excited to be an England fan again and for me that’s enough for now.

Even though I’ve predicted 3 – 1, I expect, as we all do, this to be a very tight game. The goals that win England the game, I’m predicting to come towards the very end of the match, possibly in extra time.

Gerrard, from a position of just quietly getting on with it, suddenly has a lot of extra pressure to cope with, as the “England expects” hype machine shifts up through the gears.  It’s the same for Rooney, as always. They’re both very capable of dealing with it. They’re both very capable of not. Fingers crossed.

The defence hasn’t looked “amazing” to me, as some seem to suggest, but it’s certainly looked okay for the most part. I suppose when you’re effectively playing with four central defenders (when Gerrard and Parker tuck back) it provides quite a barrier. I haven’t seen much evidence that Italy have the  fire power to trouble us too much. That’s not to say they can’t trouble us from other areas.

I think the slower pace of this game, compared with the out-and-out mania of the Ukrainians and the style of Sweden will suit our defence and midfield and should allow us to build better, getting the likes of Ashley Young and James Milner on the ball more in dangerous areas, something neither of them have had too much success with thus far. Having said that I’d be tempted to change Ashley Young (again).

Rooney needs more time on the ball to create and probe and build up his sharpness. If we are to progress we need at least 30-40% more from him than we saw in the Ukraine game. Danny Welbeck I’m sure will get the nod up front and deservedly so. A goal for him would be nice, obviously.

As for the Italians, as I said before, Balotelli is one of their stars and that isn’t anywhere near good enough. He would want so hard to play well against us and the pressure he will put on himself, as a result, will be all it takes for him to self-destruct. Balotelli aside, Pirlo et al, will without doubt be our biggest test under Hodgson.

Goals: Rooney (pen), Welbeck, Terry.