Here’s 5 things we learned on the night we finally kissed goodbye to our quadruple dreams:

1. Fuck you city and fuck you pep we won you so hard

2. I didn’t think Tony M was very good and Lingard geno looks like someone who just happened to walk into the changing room once and nobody checked who he really was. That aside it was almost OK.

3. We should try to score more goals when we need to score more goals. This seems pretty basic learnz but I’m not sure anyone has told the team.

4. Ole is the only manager to have beaten Pep at the Etihad, twice. Let that sink in.

5. Lingard geno does look like someone who just happened to walk into the changing room once and nobody checked who he really was. They should check who he is.

6. The Mandalorian was great. Can’t believe they ate Salacious Crumb though

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. We seem a lot better when our opponents are a league or 4 below us – maybe something to look at in the future?

2. 6 goals, 6 different scorers, 6 infinity stones – coincidence? Yes.

3. Phil Jones. I’m glad he got something he’s had a helluva time.

4. It’s got to the stage now where I assumed the score was a typo

5. Just a thought: seems like a lot of the talk around our tactical and training/development shortcomings are levelled at Ole – which is reasonable tbh, cos he’s a very inexperienced manager at a club that expect better/more … but, don’t correct me if I’m wrong, Mike Phelan and Michael Carrick (who Ole didn’t pick) are the ones actually coaching the players, so, why don’t we throw eggs and flour all over THEIR cars. That’ll learn ‘em.

6. Who invited this dick (see above)?

(@Benglorious)

Brett’s right.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Benno’s right.

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

I’m back in the UK, so expect a real long words today.

Prediction: Glol.

Here is another 5 things we learned, taking our total tally of learns over the last 4 years to an impressive 2:

1. Bad defending is ok as long as you endanger the opposition in an exciting manner

2. I though the blackjack challenge was tedious. Then I started the dominoes one

3. Decorating licks balls but the stain finish is delightful

4. Boy what about Matic getting MoTM are these guys blind, right?

5. I actually quite enjoyed the game and it’s been ages since that happened so imo that was good.

6. I missed every goal so didn’t enjoy it quite as much

7. This is Lukaku. Lol. Geddit??!! Cos of the misses.

8. Next time we should try scoring first and then scoring from our own kick off imo.

(@Benglorious)

My Christmas was great right up until the time I got a Christmas virus and I made my toilet look like a cheap coffee maker. The agony and frailty I’m experiencing as I type this still makes me feel better than watching the highlights of our last two games.

Prediction: May try solid foods after the match. Will definitely be cleaning the toilet either way. Still better than watching us tbh. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

I have done no words as I am apparently going to a match.

Prediction: 0-0 United

The Punisher (2017)

Boy, he sure does love punishering.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Another “amazing” game, inconveniently scheduled to tempt me away from the familiar comfort of my annual Christmas virus. Not. A. Chance.

Hey, if I wanted to be depressed I would move to one of those countries where they only have 7 minutes of sunshine every 100 years, and set the automatic timer on my SAD lamp to only come on during the longest days of the summer months, after leaving it in one of those countries where they have 100 years of sunshine every 7 minutes.

Prediction: I’m going to go to the pub with my Christmas virus, and really really really really enjoy every second of the experience. 0-0 United.

1. That was actually pretty good.

(@Benglorious)

Prediction: Moyes to crank up the post-match interview game by drop-kicking everyone in the head. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Captain Fellaini 2017

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That aside, BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Prediction: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  0-0 United.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

David Moyes was never afforded the credit he deserved for masterminding our great escape from the top four, and paving the way for future generations of 6th place finishes. Hopefully, his achievements at Sunderland, in finally fulfilling their lifelong ambition to be relegated, will be suitably rewarded i.e death by cupboard dropped on his stupid mouth face from a plane carrying a ‘chosen one’ banner, piloted by Marouane Fellaini.

Alternate preview: The cupboard was never afforded the credit he deserved for masterminding our capacity to draw (DRAWER).

Alternate preview 2: Phallus in Sunderland (Alice in Wonderland).

Prediction: All the possessions. All the shots. All the posts. All the goals disallowed for being onside. All the things she said. All the things she said, running through my head, running through my head, running through my head (but substitute ‘she’ for ‘he’ i.e Jose, photoshopped over a picture of Luke Shaw). GGMU. 0-0 United.