(@Benglorious)

Chelsea are the reigning champions. They play in blue kits in a nice part of London called Fulham. They used to have a player called Bumstead and another called Spackman. These names still make me laugh. Do you know what else makes me laugh? John Terry crying.

Prediction: If she don’t come, I’ll tickle her bum with a lump of celery. Lukaku to hold off transmitting his application to the academy for one more season, even though Biggs and Tank went last year. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Please do mine.

Prediction: No-one to do mine. Even though I said ‘Please’.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

To inspire, invigorate, and inform my one hundred plus word preview of this English Premier League game, being played between the two teams – Chelsea Football Club and Manchester United Football Club – forming the title of this match day preview, I took a moment to reacquaint myself with our vast, verbose, vibrant, volumous and varied back catalogue of match day previews; in particular the match day previews featuring the two teams – Chelsea Football Club and Manchester United Football Club – forming the title of this preview. I wish I was really dead.

Prediction: Death, hopefully. Please. 0-0 United.