Benno (@Benglorious)

Eating my dinner while I’m “writing” because apparently I have more important things in my life than this shambolic website. Only joking. Not the dinner part – I’ve just dropped some mince on thr kweybnoardf.

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Opposition summary: Middlesborough should be better than my last joke, but you (me) haven’t seen them since the heady days of Fabrizio Ravanelli, Juninho and Andy Townsend – Yes, he was a footballer before he became a bell. Or maybe he was always a bell. Yeah, that one – so you (me) can’t really comment. I’ve forgotten my point.

Prediction: Brett’s thing about the well was quite good. You probably haven’t read that yet unless you’re either a) weird, or, 2) your perception of time has evolved to the point where it is not a constant. Which is weird. Anyway SPOILER ALERT he does this little gag about throwing Rooney down a well. I think you’ll like it. 0-0 United.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

I don’t care about this game so much I didn’t even know who we were playing until just now. You can’t teach that kind of apathy – when you’re all having heart attacks and that when you’re old, I’ll be safe in Doom Mountain, laughing quietly to myself and playing backgammon. Also, can someone teach me backgammon?

This week’s film reviews:

Watership Down (1978)

Based on Richard Adam’s novel, it’s basically about rabbits. Catchy theme. As old as me. That aside, pretty good.

The Death of the Incredible Hulk (1990. Lol)

Awful. Truly awful. Does have Lou Ferrigno though and still better than all the new ones. That aside, pretty good.

Goodfellas (1990)

Misleading title. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Affordable and reliable hoverboards by 2020. Wayne is still playing then; he has not got better. 3-0 United or Boro, goals to be scored by their respective players after shots on goal are not stopped by the goalkeeper. Which is like his one job.

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 Brett (@ttenTION(like soldiers innit)

I remember when Middlesborough were something, but I can’t remember exactly what. It definitely wasn’t a frisbee, or a collection of vintage cufflink boxes or, or an army of seahorses. I’ll narrow it down on the spreadsheet, I’ve lovingly prepared on the back of this cigarette packet, and get back to you…

One thing Middlesborough definitely are is the proverbial banana skin: yellow and bitter. Suck on my a banter. 

We should drop Rooney. Down a well.

Prediction: Danny with his costume drama recital. You try finding more words that begin with ‘Cus’, then seal them in an envelope and post them up your face. Vangle’s boys to get the result we/you/us deserve. 0-0 United (0-0 on penalties, a.e.t).