Bifurcated Manchester United » Kane

Tottenham vs. United

Us — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 11:14:30 +0000

(@Benglorious)

Fuck Andy Murray. I don’t hate him because he’s Scottish. I don’t hate him because he’s a miserable cunt. I don’t even hate him because he plays the most Tory of sports. I hate him because he let the Green Goblin kill Gwen Stefani.

Prediction: Respect from Poch, enthusiasm from Ole, narrative from the press, Jenny from the block. 0-0 United.

(@tom_mcghee)

I’ve always liked Andy Murray; good at tennis and fantastic mints. Please disregard Benno’s work as it is riddled with inaccuracies* and please disregard Brett’s for its jingoistic nonsense.

Legit don’t know what I want to happen today – if Poch wins it might make him want to stay at Spurs but then it might spur (lol like their name) them on to win something which might make him feel like he can go to United after achieving something. If we win, he might think ‘fuck this they’ve been shit for ages but in 5 weeks they’ve got good again and they have money’ but then also it might strengthen Ole’s case for the job full-time which could mean we miss out on Poch but then also wouldn’t that mean that Ole is better and should get the job anyway? I don’t want to even think about what it could mean if its a draw.

*he was fooled by the rocks that she’s got

Prediction: a lot of ‘Lads its Spurs’ posts with a picture of Ole talking to some players if we win, a lot of Mourinho bashing if we lose. 5-5, the greatest game in football’s history.

(@bifurcated_utd)

This game should be postponed out of respect for Andy Murray.

**heard it’s common place in the bronx to insure your arse for £60 million tbf.

Prediction: this game not to be postponed out of respect for Andy Murray. Abso disgrace imho. 0-0 United.

United 0 – 3 Spurs

Us — Tue, 28 Aug 2018 11:22:33 +0000

The “conjecture” after the “contest” seems “medialised” around Jose Mourinho, and his “legislative” performance, which is exactly what “they” want. Do yourselves a favour and put “” around words, so, you look “engaged” and “perceptive” and Google synonyms, so you can “echo” what other people “orate” but with your own “diacritic” stamp on it and “feign” you are “perished” clever on Twitter.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Using a chainsaw to remove tree stumps is not as fun as you think.

2. I lost my 18 day daily objective streak on GTAV because Rockstar cunts.

3. I learnt nothing.

4. You learnt that you learnt nothing.

5. Bite. Me.

KANE

Ben — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 11:15:45 +0000

Tottenham Hot Spurs vs. United

Us — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 15:32:05 +0000

(@Benglorious)

Tonight is when we see if Sanchez is worth paying more than a BBC presenter. Can the True Blue Gunner Gooner use his mighty Arsenal heart to vanquish the mighty Carmon Youspurs? This reporter says dunno.

Prediction: Sanchez to surpass all expectations by simply not being Armenian. 0-0 United.

(@tom_mcghee)

Was so distracted by classic deadline day antics I legit forgot we were playing – Barclay’s, you’ve done it again!! (This is my excuse for not doing words btw)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 5 (2018)

Jokes. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Kane able to be a killer. I dunno, this isn’t even my preview for fuck’s sake. 0-0 United.

(@bifurcated_utd)

Copy and paste that for me too

Prediction: 0-0 United.