(@Benglorious)

There’s nothing better than a top of the table six-pointer the day before New Year’s Eve. Except for smart water. That shit is tight.

Prediction: Goals for all the players who pooped in Jose’s kettle at the Lowry. 11-0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I am out of the office until Jan 4th. Please direct all enquiries to someone who gives a fuck.

Prediction: Valencia to be the best captain he can be and also home to those fine orange fruits that I forget the name of. 0-0 United.

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

The honeymoon period is clearly over as Ole Gunnar Scroogekjaer has scheduled his third game in charge to take place the day before New Year’s Eve, just to show who’s boss. Cos of my last preview about Boxing Day. Hashtag Theme.

Prediction: More boring goals. 0-0 United.