1. Nobody likes Hector Moreno.

2. Everybody likes Luke Shaw.

3. Football clubs are the worst clubs. They cost loads to get in and you have to sing your own songs. At least you can get in wearing trainers.

4. Anthony Martial has a melting point of 1064.43 degrees celsius

4. LVG is bad at substitutions.

5. When Vangle says Philosophy, he actually means Fellaini.

6. Amadeus Cho, teenage super genius, to be new Hulk when the Marvel Universe pulls itself together.

7. Labour is a political party. Not Arsene Wenger.

8. We’re not very good at counting.

9. And getting worse.