We haven’t won the English Premier League on the first day of the season since that great day back in 1966!

All the squad can now look forward to taking a well deserved tour of all them countries who haven’t bought enough shirts and that, until next August.

Here’s 5 things we learnt/ed:

1. Winning is good.

2. That’s all I’ve got.

3. Fella next to me in the pub, thought it was a great a joke to pretend to his m8, who was sending him text updates, that he wasn’t watching the match. Note to self: kill all people in pub.

4. You know some great people.

5. “Ooh I drink in a pub with real people”. Pathetic.

6. I thought that whilst it would be nonsensical to talk about the ‘bigger picture’ this early in the season, our overall level of performance – both individually and as a team – can only make one optimistic. Not ‘Tritanic: This time it’s in space’ optimistic but relatively confident nevertheless.

7. I liked the goals we did.

8. Why don’t you like them anymore?

9. Fella came on as a substitute. Please delete all points after number 2. And everything you clowns have ever written.