So, where were you? We agreed to meet at The Fleece at 6, so we’d get a good seat. I messaged you at 5 and nothing. I messaged you at 5:45; still nothing. I got myself a good seat thanks for asking and very much enjoyed the football game I watched, alone. WHERE WERE YOU!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Legit feel bad about the Fred poll he had a deece second half and I liked it when he told the PSG lot off for trying to banter Marcus

2. Same applies to Rom and McScotty and Smalling – have trashed them a lot of late and they made me look a fool, a ruddy fool (I’d been dialling 9, Lynn)

3. It was funny when Neymar saw his sister with another man

4. Marcus Rashford for God? Gets my vote (I’m not sure how gods work)

5. How lucky were we that Bailly decided he was injured rather than embarrassed

6. Didn’t watch it.

7. When you write a rhetorical question, you do need a question mark at the end(?)

 (@tom_mcghee)

We all know what happened when it was United vs PSG, but what might happen if it was United vs BSG?  I think it might look a little something like this…

BSG vs Manchester United: This time it’s Battlestar

EXT. STADIUM IN PARIS

Crowds make their way into and around Stadium, general cacophony of people/traffic. Teams walk onto pitch, CL theme advert break

                                                                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (BSG)

Advert seen playing on one of many computer screens

Mr. Hoshi:

Admiral, picking up enemy contact on Dradus

Adama:

Launch Nukes

CUT TO:

EXT. SPACE.

Nukes blow up France

END CREDITS

Prediction: We all thank our lucky stars the above was just fiction. 3-0 United, the Ghost of Sanchez to score all 4 (ghost goals count less)

m

(@Benglorious)

We all know what happened when it was United vs PSG, but what might happen if it was United vs BFG?  I think it might look a little something like this…

BFG vs Manchester United: Giant on Giant

EXT. STADIUM IN PARIS

Crowds make their way into and around Stadium, general cacophony of people/traffic. Teams walk onto pitch, CL theme advert break

                                                                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. BIG FRIENDLY GIANT’S (BFG) HOUSE OR WHATEVER HE CALLS HOME PROBABLY A SWAMP OR A WEIRD TREE

Advert seen playing on one of many computer screens which are probably mushrooms or something

BFG (to itself):

Boy, I sure do love to pick my nose.

Fungus the Bogeyman:

I think you’re confusing yourself with me. Don’t you steal kids or break shit?

BFG: Yeah probably, I haven’t read it.

CUT TO:

EXT. SPACE.

Nukes blow up France

Prediction: The comeback to end all comebacks will not be televised. Something about squad average ages and injuries yawn yawn yawn. Evra to bite Neymar’s leg. 0-0 United.

M

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

Our match day squad reads like a list of players who couldn’t get into the Manchester United Football Club end of season party, even after providing a valid ID, a letter from their parent, or guardian, and a recent gas bill. Which will make it all the more betterrer when we win handsomely.

Prediction: Geno will jizz myself to a death by cum bubbles, if we pull this off. Apologies to our younger readers for use of the term “pull this off”. Getting slightly aroused tbh. 0 – 0 United.

That Alexis7 hatty is going to be even more sweeter, now he’s decided to wait until the second leg. I wonder what they will make his statue out of? These reporters say, clay, made from shit…

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Everyone hates Sanchez. He’s like the anti-Raymond

2. Man I hate that MikeLUHG guy he is legit the only person in the world worse than Sanchez.

3. Didn’t actually think it was that bad tbh, first half was a good game, kinda went to pieces after Martial and Lingz went off, only mistake – imo – was not putting big Rom on earlier (more for the nuisance factor) given the change in play.

4. Glol @ real analysis

5. Didn’t watch it