As Phil Jones and Ed Woodward watched on and may, or, may not havNo, can’t even pretend to give a fuck.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Mid-table team now I’m very sad

2. Shampooing my carpet was more exciting than the match

3. How have we forgotten how to play football it really isn’t that complicated a game I blame everyone and everything

4. We always lose to west ham all other results are improvements on previous seasons ie progress also without Martial, Pogba, our two best players actually who am I kidding I want to die

5. True true truuuuuuuuuue

6. Remember joy?

7. And success?

8. What if those are just the Mandela Effect?

9. Yeah, we should never have given Nelson the job after Fergie retired.