(@Benglorious)

More dog gifs.

Prediction: as above

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Have we discussed how much fred reminds me of Jar Jar Binks and how racist is that on a scale of Paul to Donald Trump

Prediction: Also autocorrect made jar jar banks into jar jar bunks on my phone and that is his name now

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

Remember when we used to give a fuck and do pictures and shit.

Prediction: Don’t remember.

(@Benglorious)

Brighton will be out for revenge today after United beat them in the 1983 FA Cup final which also saw them relegated from the old First Division. The rules were different back then.

Prediction: Pogba to continue his 100% record of being in the news, Sanchez to prove he’s the new Rooney rather than the old Rooney he’s been since he got here. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

I quite like Brighton and I reckon they’ve probably had a lovely summer.

Disenchantment (2018)

Have only watched the first four but at the minute it’s like if the writers of the Simpsons came together with the writers of Futurama and made something a lot less funny than both. Like Ridley and his increasingly horrible attempts to re-do Alien.

Prediction: Ridley Scott to come at Bifurcated like the spent force he is, batters Brett. Let’s say 2-1 United in the football – I just hope Mourinho vs Pogba is the main talking point.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

Geno thought these losers had been relegated last season. As for BrightoBAHAHAHAHAHAHA just a little a joke to get you all juiced up for the other two beige cunts above (Ed – everyone knows we read Brett first) (Paul- not sure Ed would say that tbh). But seriously how the fuck are Brighton evOh well, we’ll just have to beat them handsomely like we did last year and the year before that if they were even in the league or even a registered team either of those times if anyone knows or cares bite my banger.

Speaking of bangers did you see Roondawg in the America M&S?!! With his vroom-boom-pow! What a dickless dick.

Prediction: Brighton to turn up at Leyton Orient and play out a goalless draw in the league they deserve. Which is even more embarrassing cos they were actually playing Yeovil Town at home. 0-0 United.

(@Benglorious)

It’s always great playing West Ham, especially fifteen times in three weeks. Sometimes we even beat them. Except when Blackburn won the league that one time. Ask your dad. Or Paul. Whichever one actually remembers. Paul.

Prediction: Rooney to score from anywhere up to 70 yards away but only if he plays. Martial to do a madness and Zlatan to kick the ref’s face off. The goal stands. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

I preferred football when it was just three, sometimes four games a year, back in the days when if a player even thought about using any part of his boot except the laces to score a goal he’d have been executed by firing squad.

Prediction: Mkhitaryan to score one using his ballbag. 1-0 United.

m

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

So long as we don’t give David Moyes the satisfaction of being able to talk some abso bull shit about some abso bull shit then who really cares.

Prediction: We give David Moyes the satisfaction of being able to talk some abso bull shit about some abso bull shit. 0-0 United.

In a parallel Universe Jose got his wish and the game is still being played.

It’s currently 9087 – 0.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. I didn’t watch the game because I wasn’t watching it.

2. My new jam is Taken The Series. It’s pointless.

3. I’ve got 30+ quests to do on Skyrim and I’m starting to feel a teeny bit overwhelmed.

4. I did watch the game and it made me legit wish I had 30+ quests to do on Skyrim.

*Comment removed here, on the grounds of not making the cut*

5. If you don’t number it, it doesn’t make the cut, pal.

6. Anyone heard anything from Paul lately?

Here’s another 5 things we learned from yet another game, in the season that keeps on giving games:

1. If we kicked the ball in the net we would score goals.

2. That is all.

3. Abso gutted @bobbyfaghihi was right about Jose. He’s 3 for 3 so far. It’s bullshit the floppy haired nonce.

4. Why did you @ him? That’s not how this works.

5. So he’d get the notification when Brett puts this on twitter so bobby knows we hate him and his opinions.

6. You know WordPress isn’t Twitter, right?

7. Actually, I withdraw the question.

7. I know any ‘press’ is fascism so back off Captain Nazi.

8. Lol @ ‘withdraw’.

8. jfc, what happened to us, man. We used to be all about the music.

9. For me it was never about the music, For me it was all about the great times.

10. Fuck this shit. I’m out. The Sugababes are always hiring.

11. I hate you both. This is Paul.

 (@Benglorious)

Christmas was good because Brett didn’t try and force any of his lyrics on me. In unrelated news, I’m out of lyrics.

Prediction: Middlesbra used to have Ravanelli playing up front. Rava-fucking-nelli. Ask your dad. Or Paul, whichever is oldest. Paul. Happy New Year or whatever. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Not writing words because I legit hate you two and our audience (Paul).

Also Middlesborough are for tools.

Prediction: Who/when are we playing?

m 

 (@ttackattackattack)

It’s the end of another great year for the great friends team at Bifurcated Towers! Not nearly nominated for an FBA. And only blocked by 37 users of popular social media platform Twitter. I was only dead for 312 days. Tom thought about writing a blog post with words. And I don’t think I’m forgetting anyone else. Oh yeah, how could I forget Paul?! That’s definitely it now.

Here’s to another 1000 posts and some more great lols in 2017!! Or, what the critics are calling 20BIFteen. That a joke worked better in 2015 and also slightly better in 2016 tbf.

Prediction: 0-0 United.