No goals all means we’re one step closer to the promised land. Can’t wait to get there. Don’t get us wrong, we’re really enjoying the journey and all. Lots. Really. Really, really enjoying it. To the max. And back. Lots. Yep.

Here’s 5 things we’ve learned this week:

1ne) Learning is as learning does.

2wo) Life is like a learning: you never know what you’re gonna learn.

Thr33) Everyday is a school day. Apart from Saturdays, Sundays and Bank Holidays.

4our) We learn, but do we really learn.

 Benno (@Benglorious)

Refusing to do a preview after Tom smashed it last game. Let’s see him do it again.

m

Opposition summary: PSV do football.

Prediction:  I don’t have a point to forget. 0-0 United.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Chapter 2

McGhee opened his eyes cautiously; despite being the sole passenger on Air Force One, a lifetime at the School of hard knocks and detective skills had left him with an almost preternatural sense of things being ever so slightly amiss. The last 24 hours came rushing back to him like a bolt – deep down he’d always known this day would come, but why now, why Saigon? He just wasn’t that guy anymore, the steamy jungles and Charlie were his past goddammit, the private detective agency he’d founded was his second chance! McGhee punched the arm of his luxury chair in frustration “Goddammit” he whispered between his teeth, echoing the previous goddammit he’d said in his head.

He needed a drink. And time to think. Noticing those two things rhymed brought a wry smile to his weathered face. He wondered, would he be smiling when this was all over…

Detecting a slight movement in the plane – a movement imperceptible to any man not combat trained to like level 28 – McGhee interrupted his own reverie with more thoughts: who was this mysterious dame that had got Obama and the UN so spooked? Why was he, essentially the perfect killing machine but on land i.e. not a shark, being sent into Vietnam to investigate these disappearances? Did they need him for the detective skills that had seen him twice grace the cover of Best Detective Weekly and get an award from Batman? Or did they hope that beneath his icy demeanour, there still beat the warrior’s heart that had earned him the name El Guapo Loco? One thing was for sure – he’d probably find out the hard way….

Prediction:  There’s a game on? Lol. Of course there is, against that submersible captained by the guy from Jaws. You get new jokes. Gonna be a real barn-stormer tonight lads, liquid goals which will then solidify into actual goals. 4-0 United, Memphis to score all 6. If he plays and isn’t shooting the remake of Enter the Dragon. That aside, pretty good.

 .

 Brett (@entionstarved)

He did it again. Nice one Benno. What a selfish towel.

Prediction: Book deal. Film adaptation. An invitation to the plastic pantomime with their promises crafted from the evaporating tears of a unicorn. A ride on the merry-go-round of debauchery, in the backfield’s recreational ground of fame.  Jammy git.  

1. Nobody likes Hector Moreno.

2. Everybody likes Luke Shaw.

3. Football clubs are the worst clubs. They cost loads to get in and you have to sing your own songs. At least you can get in wearing trainers.

4. Anthony Martial has a melting point of 1064.43 degrees celsius

4. LVG is bad at substitutions.

5. When Vangle says Philosophy, he actually means Fellaini.

6. Amadeus Cho, teenage super genius, to be new Hulk when the Marvel Universe pulls itself together.

7. Labour is a political party. Not Arsene Wenger.

8. We’re not very good at counting.

9. And getting worse.