(@Benglorious)

• Country of origin: United Kingdom
• Region: Leicestershire
• Family: Cheddar
• Made from unpasteurized cow’s milk
• Type: hard, artisan
• Fat content: 48%
• Texture: crumbly and dense
• Rind: cloth wrapped
• Colour: orange
• Flavour: burnt caramel, full-flavored, sweet
• Aroma: rich
• Vegetarian: no
• Synonyms: Leicester, Leicestershire

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Prediction: New hashtags and dance crazes to dominate in one of the best adverts for the Premier League the world has ever seen. There’ll also be a football match. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

I am so excited about the football today and really hope the boys do well.

Grimsby (2016)

Glols from start to finish. Give SBC Bill Gates’ wages. If you love a good old laugh, then this is the movie for you. There’s this one scene with an Elephant’s penis that just split my sides. In fact I needed a needle and thread all the way through! That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: We will finally take the opportunity to catch up on our Premier League rivals. 1-2 United.

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 (@bifurcated_utd)

The Ghost ‘Paper’ Town has a really interesting history.

In 1985, the Washington State Legislature passed a law that dissolved school districts with fewer than five students, leading to the disbandment of the Lester school district. A mock funeral was held for the town by residents in response to the closure of the school. Shame. 

The town’s “last resident”, Gertrude Murphy, died in September 2002 at the age of 99. So close.

The city of Tacoma began purchasing property in Lester in 1963, seeking to protect the Green River watershed where the city sources its drinking water. Tacoma attempted to block access to the town, leading to protests and the destruction of gates on the only all-weather road leading to Lester, in an incident known as the “Battle of the Lester Gate”. King County sued the city of Tacoma over blocking access to Lester, arguing that the road was owned by the county. The King County Superior Courtruled in Tacoma’s favor in July 1962 to temporarily keep locks on its Lester gates.  The court later determined in 1965 that the county’s failure to include other landowners in the suit hampered the court’s abilities to adjudicate the case. Ruddy court.

Prediction: Wrong Lester, right? 0-0 United.

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 FLC Nominated for crimes against fun/lols (@Benglorious)

Losttheirlustre City is the kind of joke you should always start with. Secondly, you should say something about Red Leicester even though they play in blue. Needs workshopping, that one. I’ll see if Brett manages to punch it up and then just steal it.

Coming off the back of the Northampton game is something you’d normally get arrested for, but not these pampered millionaires. Classic double standards in my harambe opinion. Disunirregardless of the quality of United’s legal team, the victory still counts so now we’re back on track for another treble. Leicester are the current holders of one of the trophies, but it can’t be one of the important ones because it’s Leicester innit.

Prediction: The only type of goal that Rashford hasn’t scored yet is a 40-yard screaming header, so put your house on him scoring at least one of those. Every two minutes. 6-0 United.

 FYC Nominated for driving us Craaaazy (@tom_mcghee)

Got to go to A&E chances are I won’t be back. So feel free to write mine.

Bridget Jones’ Baby 2016

The eponymous heroine of the cult trilogy returns for more glols than you can shake an ageing/dead-eyed Mr Darcy at. Who’s the Daddy? Is it him? Is it him? Guess we’ll never know, unless we stay till at least the end of the trailers next time. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Mourinho and Ranieri to get themselves into a hilarious scuffle, that sees them both end up in a water feature by a posh house and emerge ABSOLUTELY WET THROUGH!!!! Comedy gold. 12-0 United cos Rash. 0-12 Leicester cos Rooney.

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 F&F nominated best rainbow t-shirt *wink wink* (@ttackattackattack)

LIEcester more like. Cos ‘I’ before ‘E’, accept after ‘C’. And Lies. As in conspiracies. Have you ever noticed how you never see Leicester, the so called English Premier League Champions, and the English Premier League Trophy in the same dream about Gary Lineker’s tits?

Speaking of which: after Gary Lineker broke his promise of doing MOTD in his underwear by presenting in a giant’s handkerchief, Leicester have lost their lustre. Losttheirluster more like. That’s pretty good actually. Should have started with that tbh.

Prediction: Young Rash and his permanent purple patch: he shoots from every angle and indigo. That’s mine. You can’t use it without asking very nicely. 0-0 United.