(@Benglorious)

Prediction: With Jones out, injured by Smalling, and Smalling out, injured by Jones, Mourinho has a real defensive dilemma on his hands which he can easily fix by replacing the unavailable pair with two other defenders. Mata is also out because he’s hurt his winky, which pretty much guarantees a start for Fellaini, which pretty much guarantees three points. Point one, finesse is right out. Point two, goals are right out. Point three, I’m going right out. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

Made a path today. Only for the side of the house where no-one goes but the service engineer moaned last time so its basically just for him, the selfish cunt. Went for a rustic effect by using bricks I found in the outside walls of my own house, then tied it all together with pea-shingle and kiln sand (special sand, you’ve probably never heard of it in your London ivory towers). Looked pretty good to be honest, solid 8/10. That’ll be £600.

Logan (2017)

As close to my actual real life as a fictional film can be, I really liked it when he killed people brutally in their faces with his adamantium claws. Richard E Grant is terrible but you have to admire his consistency. The exact opposite of London = Bad, this was actually very good.

Prediction: 1-1. Lol, because of all the draws. Its not that funny. Brett to get Graham Gooch inspired hair plugs.

m 

(@bifurcated_utd)

When I last watched football I was a balding, lonely, 38 year old man, with just two clowns for not-in-real-life-just-on-the-internet friends … and look at me now!!

I’d like to reiterate how nice it would be if someone were to take Benno to the football today. Someone a bit murdery, or with murderous tendencies preferable.

Call me an old fashioner, but I like it when we have all the players i.e when we don’t have to pick a team that loses to West Bromwich Albion cos Rooney and Fellaini.

Really hope Tom falls my service engineer April Fool and makes a path for the side of the house where no-one goes. This is Paul.

Prediction: We pick a team that loses to West Bromwich Albion cos Rooney and Fellaini. 0-0 United.