(@Benglorious)

Winning nine matches in a row is lovely and a real morale booster, but eight of those wins were against West Ham and the other one was just Spurs so let’s not kid ourselves. Today is the real test: Liverpool. Their league position suggests they are ahead of us and they possibly do come here as favourites. Liverpool are having a very good season and we will have to do everything we possibly can to beat them.

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Prediction: Tom to get annoyed at his own lack of formatting. Pogba and Ibra to lack match sharpness because they spent too much time clowning around with that clown Henry instead of training. 0-0 United.

 (@tom_mcghee)

Was gonna attempt a serious effort for this but then remembered everyone in the world does so fucked it off.

Apparently mega-rivals, Liverpool are a team from Merseyside and The Beatles. Their best player is still Steven Gerrard and their manager sure is wacky!! Do you remember that episode of Cracker with Robert Carlyle? That was good. Do you remember that film with Samuel L Jackson wearing a kilt? That was awful (it was set in Liverpool. That’s the link) Both teams play in red unless one of them is playing away in which case they’ll wear another colour to help the referee if the home kit is also red, and both teams are highly successful, albeit one more than the other. Their anthem of choice is ‘You will never walk on your own’ which is a fucking lie – sometimes you will i.e. going to the shops, catching a bus.

10 Cloverfield Lane (2015)

John Goodman is a madman with a bunker that he now lives in due to an attack. Watchers of films will know this is an alien attack because of Cloverfield. He has two companions, one a man with a beard and one a lady who he thinks is his daughter, despite her not being that. The not Johns try and escape because John is a madman. OR IS HE?? (he is) One of them does but is then like ‘whoa, Aliens?? for realsies?’ but then kills them with whiskey. That aside, pretty good.

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Prediction: Brett and Benno to be annoyed by my lack of formatting, Pogba to hit 13 posts which summons Shenron (magical dragon. Think Pete’s but manga) allowing us to bring Cantona and Scholes back. 2-1 United, Ibra taps in Rooney’s 35yd drive to stop him getting record. Please. 

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 (@ttackattackattack)

I’m impressed. Our banter content is at a premium today. And none of the usual repeats of references to The Beatles, or getting the lyrics to ‘You’ll Never Work From Home’ wrong (intentionally). Nothing about Steven Gerrard, Cracker, playing West Ham every week, or both teams playing in Red.

I met Danny Rose last night irl. He doesn’t read this shit either.

Prediction: According to Wikipedia there are only 4 posts permitted on the pitch at any one time, so unless the posts that are in play at the start of the game are substituted at half-time (another mind-fuck of a concept, that I’ll have to research later), and then at some other point during the match, then it’s not only the lack of formatting that Tom is going to be annoyed by. Shin it for the win! Like ‘in it for the win’ but Rooney. 0-0 United.

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 Benno (@Benglorious)

In lieu of a preview this week, I’m instead going to pay my respects to the best central midfielder the Premiership League has ever seen if you don’t count Keane, Scholes, Lampard, Vieira and Batty.  The platitudes have been coming thick and fast for Gerrard all week, so I thought I’d show my appreciation with a poem:

Steven

Drive boy, dog boy,

Dirty numb angel boy.

In the doorway boy,

She was a lipstick boy.

She was a beautiful boy,

And tears boy,

And all in your innerspace boy.

You had hands, girl boy,

and steel boy.

You had chemicals boy

I’ve grown so close to you, Boy,

And you just groan boy

She said “come over, come over”

She smiled at you, boy.

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Prediction:  Roondog and Falcor to finally disprove the haters with the best double-act since Iscariot and Pilate.  Two goals apiece, and Fellaini goes a whole ninety minutes without fouling anyone except himself, for which he then gets sent off.  Young recreates his pearler from the 8-2 game, but this time it’s a scuff off his shin via his face.  1-0 Arsenal.

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 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Not writing in protest of Wenger’s refusal to acknowledge all those Christmas cards I’ve sent him.  He’s dead to me now.

Prediction:  Goals for both teams unless one or both of them don’t score.  1-1 United.

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 Brett (@SharpeningHisShiv)

Had to confess to the prison pastor today.  It feels good to finally admit I didn’t post all those Christmas cards to the Emirates and instead spent the stamp money on sweet Mexican black tar heroin.

Prediction:  Tiny O’Malley and his crew to ambush the Riley Boys in the D-Wing common room to establish who runs the cribbage tournament.  2-1 United.

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