(@Benglorious)

I’d already given up by the time I got home from work last Friday, and this was only the third match. Saturday came, but I was not invested. At about 5 o’clock, habit, that relentless masochist, had me checking the score. Interesting enough to raise an eyebrow, but not interesting enough to chip away the ever more predictable ennui that had settled over my entire body like grave dirt.

Sunday was a new day but the pervasive feeling of resignation had not lifted. When you’re successful, it’s easy to accept defeat even if it does leave a bad taste in the mouth. When you’ve been mediocre for a long period of time, defeat is a more accepted part of the game, but it’s the constant hope after good performances that eventually melts your wings and crushes your soul.

Luckily, we had Ben Stokes. From its glacial start to its explosively dangerous climax, his innings was so full of drama I almost expected him to receive a BAFTA as his man of the match trophy. His shot selection was breathtaking – the drives, the reverse sweeps, the ramps, the casual flick of a slow full toss over the rope – as was the tension. I could hardly blame him for not wanting to watch the best bowlers in the world attack the unassuming accountant at the other end, but Jack Leach held his own, playing an equally important part in extinguishing that Australian spark that pervades their sport at every level. His 1 not out means he will now be spoken about, at least in this country, alongside such names as Lara, Tendulkar, even Bradman, and we will only be half-joking.

Prediction: 1-o to whoever, let’s say United for a laugh.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

Who remembers Friends? lol you are all bad slags, racists and nipple fetishists. And Blockbuster Video? Don’t even get me started that place really sucked – renting videos lol its 2019 ffs. Who remembers the Titanic?? Awful, awful ship, sank almost straight away. Launched from Southampton. Now I’m not saying Southampton are to blame for all of these things – that’s for others to say, if they think that – but the Titanic was longest ago and cause and effect imho.

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (2019)*

The original Dark Crystal was the Citizen Kane of puppet films. This is Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 ie a film I would never watch because everyone hates it.

*I have only watched one episode so this review may change next week when I’ve watched the rest/read what everyone else thinks

Prediction: 1-0 to whoever, lets say Southampton just to be different to Benno

(@bifurcated_utd)

Ooooh, look at us two bells, writing actual words. FML.

After 40 years of cba’d, my adult life has intensified exponentially as I am now Property Owner (not in Southampton), with a contract – as the latin predicates – that I will be bound to until my inglorious death; bolted to a self-assembled cross made from C + F, and the abso state of it missing part H.

I went to my new local chinese take away last night, and having watched on in horror as the young men toiled over a soup starter, intermittently batting away the insects in the kitchen, I decided to instead visit the Indian a few doors down to get us a Kari Kombing … as flies to wan tun boys, we are for the goats.

Prediction:  1 – 0 to whoever, let’s say neither just to be different to Tom and Benno.