Benno (@Benglorious)

In a classic case of life imitating darts, Brett hasn’t written his thing yet so I can’t steal any of his stuff. To make matters even more like that thing I said in the first sentence, Tom hasn’t written anything since the incident so there’s no chance of me even poncing one tiny joke out of his lifeless body (note to self: google how to tell when meat has gone bad). I’ve forgotten my point.

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Opposition summary: WBA Moscow are the only team in the Premiership League that I made sound hella cool just by not deleting the word ‘Moscow’ from my previous post.

Prediction:  After Captain Leader Legend Wayne Mark Rooney ruined everything in the world by scoring in midweek he’s bound to go on one of his usual scoring runs, most likely bagging himself a hat-trick against the Baggies today. I see through his lies, though. 0-0 United.

 Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Seeing as we haven’t had a Whatsapp chat that I can just copy and paste, I’m actually going to have to think about things to write. Pfffft. As if.

Spectre (2015) is the new Bond film that everyone hates. That aside, pretty good.

Inception (2010) is that weird film about dreamy thiefs or whatever that everyone says is amazing because they don’t want to look stupid but they shouldn’t worry about looking stupid because it is actually not a good film. No, not one bit. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction:  I agree with Benno because he’s the most handsome and rich and virile out of the three or four or however many people we are. 1-o Celta Vigo Mortenson because films innit. What happened to him anyway? He was good in that one where he was pretending he wasn’t a hitman but it turned out he really was a hitman. Return of the King (2003). That aside. Pretty good.

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 Brett (@oldyerwewasthebest)

In a classic case of darts imitating life, imitating darts I have written my thing after Benno so he can’t steal any of my stuff. To make matters even more like that thing I said in the first sentence, Tom hasn’t written anything since the incident so there’s no chance of him even poncing one tiny joke out of his lifeless body (note to Benno: google how to tell when meat has gone bad). He’ll have forgotten his point.

West Brom isn’t even a place. And whatever you do do, don’t google WBA: it’s just lots of stuff about football. Really disgusting. Like anybody cares. It’s like they say ‘Rugby is a thugs game, played by posh clowns. And Football is just a relentless apocalyptic tidal wave of bullshit played by the man.

Prediction: Danny with his cufflinks (but like you’re one the phone with a bad line, so the ‘ff’ sounds like ‘ss’). I’m now eating hobnobs with other bigger websites with cool combinations of upper case and lower case letter in their name, so I’m predicting big things for myself. I’m never making Benno those puppets he asked for either. Fuck Bifurcated. 0-0 United.