(@Benglorious)

I was going to do a Sanchez acrostic or even one of those amazing song things but I didn’t think he’d be in the squad for tonight’s game, so I didn’t do either of those things. True story.

Prediction: Sanchez to get turned into a pickle by his Grandpa. “Rocking All Yeovil The World” to be the biggest-selling FA Cup song of all time. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

We all love to laugh – Lord knows I do – but sometimes you can’t make light of an ugly situation with a joke. So whilst Brett will undoubtedly poke gentle fun at the generations of inbreeding that’s left Yeovil a genetic 9/11, someone has to address the Sanchez problem.

Quite frankly I think it is a damning indictment of modern football that Alexis Sanchez has been allowed to buy Bill Gates’s bones before he’s died (Bifurcated cannot comment on why he wants said bones and the rumours that he plans to add them to Steve Jobs to create some ghastly skeletal superman are, in our opinion, unfounded).

I haven’t watched anything this week due to bible studies. 7 days?? God truly is great.

Prediction:  4-0 United although it would be better if Yeovil won because imo a great headline would be ‘Somewhere Yeovil the Rainbow’

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

The issue Yeovil Town had with tickets has thankfully been sorted. The Somerset club were faced with a backlash from the local community as requests for tickets for the visit of the giant club came flooding in after the 4th round draw, and it was looking like they weren’t going to be able to meet the demand. Fortunately, all the Yeovil families have now been accommodated. Turns out the numbers were halved when it became apparent that Sisters and Mothers, and Brothers and Fathers were one and the same thing.

Prediction: 8 cans of Natch and 6 points for drink tractoring . 0-0 United.

STOP COMING HERE. UNTIL YOU ALL START FOLLOWING @Benglorious – BY FAR THE FUNNIEST AND NICEST OF ALL OF US – YOU’RE JUST NOT WELCOME.

Benno (@Benglorious)

Yeovil is a very interesting word, etymologically (check that this is the word one and not the insect one) speaking.  Yeo-Vil.  Anyone who’s everyone knows that “vil” stems from “ville” so it must mean “town“, and no-one who’s someone has seen Brian De Palma’s Scarface (1983) so we all know what “Yeo” has its roots in.  In summation; as soon as I’ve finished writing this I’m checking out Yeovillian house prices.

Seeing as I’m going to be the first “preview” read out of the three, I’ll make some weak gag about the “magic of the cup” and then everybody will think the other two are nicking my ideas.  Cups, eh?  Some are magic.  These should be avoided.

Prediction:  A victory here today for Vangle’s boys would see them leap ahead of teams like Bayern Munich, Barcelona and Real Madrid in terms of FA Cup matches won.  It’s Vangle’s debut FA Cup game as well, so a win over the League One side would mean he’ll have a better record than Guardiola and Hitzfeld combined.  No mean feat.  Team selection will be tricky today as the whole squad will be eager to showcase their talents against the mighty Glovers.  Rooney will definitely maybe play as he’s our glorious and loyal captain, so he’ll score two goals.  Yeovil will display courage that far belies their current divisional standing, but the introduction of Di Maria after his recent lay-off will prove too much for them, and the Argentine will round off proceedings with a brace of his own to put United into the draw for the Fourth Round.  1-0 Yeovil.

Ashley really enjoys- maintaining his allotment, reading about the US Civil War and milk:

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

No idea what this game is about to be honest – FA isn’t even a real word and I can’t find an explanation anywhere – and all this ‘Magic of the cup’ malarkey doesn’t even sound very fair; at best one team is bound to have better magic (depending on their relative Mage strength/D18 + 4 spell casting/financial clout) and at worst could lead to the type of events we all witnessed in that horrific wizard snuff film, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I don’t think any game is worth that.

Anyway,  in the interest of…well, no-one really (sorry Paul), better at least google Yeovil. This is as close as I could get. The only other piece of relevant information I can add is that Bumblebee is also Yellow and he’s one of the good guys. Although not the loveable VW Beetle he was in the original series. Why change it Michael? Why make Devastator have metal testicles? They’re robots in disguise fighting a war that’s lasted centuries…they don’t have kids. It’s this kind of mistake which ruined the Franchise. Well that and the awful stories and casting McDreamy as a bad guy – he’s the best brain surgeon in the country Michael, what were you thinking? Liked him in Grey’s though….although that Meredith would drive anyone crazy. And Christina?! Please….she should’ve stayed with Owen. Remember the singing episode? How we laughed….But there were sad times too…remember when Pinky Toscadero crashed his motorcycle into Arnold’s?

Just in case they are a football team and not a colour, we should win by so many goals its not even funny. Been told they can’t keep possession, all their goals are accidents and that their only striker is injured after getting battered in the Orient (no idea why they were there – we’ve well tied up that corner of the market) but this is tempered by the fact this person willingly watches these games. So either way then.

24-0. Falcao, Wilson and RVP take it in actual turns, Wayne tries that chip a record number of times, finally laying to rest the ghost of Fulham cross stats.

Brett (@bifurcated_mufc)

I’ve used up all my material for this weekend’s preview in one truly brilliant tweet that did big numbers. So, I’m just gonna let the brain jazz and the kick sport science flow through my fingers and scat write; they don’t call me the Somerset scatologist for nothing … and see what genius co

I’ve been trying to find about this ‘Magic of the Cup’ that all you bumbaclarts keep referring about, but no Croations with that name show up on Wikipizzle, even as a dishimbuggerinnation. Not even gonna pretend to look anywhere else. I didn’t even look there to be honest, so that would only negate my initial laziness and force me to feel good about myself for a change. Yuck.

Points West – our very local unintentionally-self-satirising-not-really-news programme – have taken it upon themselves to patronise Yeovil all week, so I don’t have to. As a resident of the city of Bristol – aka the London of the South-West, aka where all the people who aren’t good enough for London live – I can perhaps provide a bit of insight into the make-up of the Yeovil team, shed some light on the footballing culture of this Somerset outpost, and maybe introduce you to a few of their tactical nuances. I can’t.

Prediction: Vangle to get a brand new combine harvester an’ he’ll give Roo the key. Come on Falcao let’s net together in perfecOwww! My Knee! 

Note to self: find out what ‘big numbers’, ‘material’ and ‘preview’ mean. And ask Mum where I live.