Here’s 5 things we learnzied:

1. Jose knows and can anticipate when a camera will be turned on him; each action is premeditated and deliberate, he is the living embodiment of the showman. Or he was just annoyed Marcus missed a sitter. Hard to tell tbh.

2. Man does that guy sure hate water tho.

3. We aren’t hilariously bad. We can’t even commit to comedy ffs.

4. The Lemoyne Raiders are an absolute joke of an organisation. How on earth did they survive for so long?

5. They had all LeMoney *4 laughing/crying emojis*

(@Benglorious)

Long days and pleasant nights, pardner. Mosey on over here, take a load off and wash some of the trail out ya throat. No need to be afeared, buddy, I won’t bite ya. You like stories? An old timer like me, I got lots o’stories. Lemme tell you about this gang I knew back in the day. Great bunch of lads, real close like. Absolutely unstoppable. Swept other gangs aside from any county you can think of. Even conquered them fancy boys from over the border a couple a times. Literally untouchable. Like all the best stories though, this one has a sad ending. The boss of this gang, he done had a good run, decided to call it a day and took his leave of those special boys. He done figured that his legacy would be in safe hands, never the mind who stepped into his boots. Boy, was he mistook. Three men tried on those boots, and three men couldn’t fill ‘em. Sure, there were good times, but for the most part, every day since has been a complete shitshow. Absolute cow dung. Cuntsville, population: those guys. In fact, just shoot me, pardner. In the face.

Prediction: Plenty of minty big game, zero big game attitude. BOYZ 2 MEN 0.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I cannot do words as I am living a fantasy life in Super Cowboy Bros 2 they don’t have football there it is a happier place also you can shoot people who argue with you.

Prediction: Happy. Shooting people who argue with me.

M

(@bifurcated_utd)

Thought I’d paid the technical team at Krystal hosting enough cash money to keep this piece of shit website off the internet for good tbh … Yay! So, great to be back.

The top 4 finish Mourinho was talking about was in the Champions League Group Stage.

Prediction: All the players to take Mourinho up on his offer to stay at home and watch the match on the television (apart from Alexis Sanchez who has lost the remote control in his dog’s anus). This works out, as United with no players actually perform better and grind out a 1-0 win.

Here’s 5 things we learned:

1. Plastic pitches get stitches

2. Heard the goals were good

3. Love that Shaman song

4. Love how that a Shaman joke never gets boring

5. Who asked you?

(@Benglorious)

Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run girl
You’re much too young girl

m

Fuck. That ain’t right.

m

Prediction: United to get one over on Liverpool by having a player with no working eyes. His name is Jones. Phil Jones. 0-0 United.

m

 (@tom_mcghee)

After being called a kid mauler, kid rapist and paedophile last week there is no way I’m doing a preview for this one.

TBC (2018)

Haven’t watched anything this week due to depression brought on by the foul accusations mentioned above. He also called me Lee Hurst and let me tell you, that crossed some lines.

Prediction: I’m saying nothing.

m

(@bifurcated_utd)

I love this Duran Duran song.

The big question facing us as the Champions’ League kicks off this evening is do we add search engine tags for ‘kid mauler’, ‘kid rapist’ and ‘paedophile’ to this post?

Haven’t had a Wednesday night off for ages, so, can’t wait to sit down with a Snapple Root Beer and tune into The Big Match on ITV.

Prediction: Whatever happens I’m sure we will all enjoy the Twitter analysis. 0 – 0 United.