Och, many of us know boss of Bifurcated David, actually, no wait, we don’t, he’s only done like three posts! What we aim to find out is a bit more about the fella behind the blog, the voice behind, well, me I spose…

 

 

 Do we really care about the walking about in the dark title sequence? NO! Good…

 

 

 

Och David, you’re a busy man, so we won’t keep yer too long. You went to the pub and saw that ruddy last game of the season unfold with Brett I hear? An enjoyable day, I’m guessing?

 

 

Best. Day. Ever.

 

 

 

 

 

Och, divnae remind me! Anyway, let’s crack on. So you were born in Hitchin, Hertfordshire…

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, in a hospital that was later torn down and replaced by a Safeway. My brothers joke that I was born in the frozen pea aisle, because my brothers are hilarious.

*HA HA!!*

Heh, the audience liked that! I guess that explains a lot! Oh, is my mic on? Och, now this was 1981, what do you remember most about your formative years?

I feel like my upbringing was cosy, but worldly, and pretty middle class. Hitchin is a market town. My brothers and I spent weekends exploring, riding our bikes, pretending to be secret service.

You hung out with your brothers a bit then. And did you do much as a family with your mum and dad?

My family did a lot of walking. I remember Autumn days in the fields. I hated it, but miss it now … Of course. I went to church every Sunday: my parents are both children of vicars.

 What did your parents do for a living?

My mum stayed at home and my dad was/is in educational research.

 *WOO!*

This lot are easily excited today, hey? Did you go on holidays and that with the family?

 We drove around Europe a lot for holidays. We had a white Volvo that was 21 years old when it finally bit the dust. I split my head open on a seat toggle when I was about 10. The fan belt went half way over the Alps one year. The car was a tank. It was white. The first thing I remember really laughing at was my older brother Peter writing “Also available in white” in the dust on the boot door. We stopped going to Europe when we started going to America in 1988.

Sounds like you were quite an adventurous lot. Och, good times then, eh? And was football a big part of your upbringing?

I supported Tottenham for some time in my childhood. I had a man crush on Gary Linekar.

 *BOO!*

Och, think we’ll move on quickly from there. Did you play yourself?

 In Secondary school I tried to play football with a local team. It was run by one of the boys mums and she wouldn’t play me. My dad asked her why and she told him that they played to win. I never really played much after that.

Not your sport then, eh? Bit like the boy Walcott. Did you try your hand at anything else?

I got into playing tennis one year in Seattle and it remains the only sport I play half decently. I played baseball in America for two seasons but was incredibly shit.

But you excelled in other areas, using your brain. How did you get on at school back then?

I was quiet at Primary school, but had good friends.  In Secondary school I got into drawing. I also loved architecture. Frank Lloyd Wright blew my mind, over and over. Secondary school was pretty shit – I had a lot of friends that spent their time bullying one another.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of stuff were you into at the time?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me and my brothers were big on America. I got into music when Britpop was all that.  Before we left for the States at the end of 1995 I would describe myself as drifting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And so yes, you moved to America, how did that come about? 

 

 

 

I was 15 when we moved to the States. My dad’s work expanded that way. Moving to America made me who I am today. I don’t see much of a connection between what came before and what came after. It helped me appreciate the best of British and the best of American and to be open to everything else.

 

 

Och and were you treated like a curiosity? How did you deal with the cultural change?

 

 

 

 

I also spent a lot of the time saying ‘tomato’ for people, so yes, I was a bit of a curiosity. Cultural differences are pretty obvious from the moment you set foot on American soil. Cultural differences I could deal with, political – not so much.

 

 

 

When you say it “made you who you are” can you expand on that a little…

 

 

 

 

 

I became more open, and said yes to more stuff. I believed more in myself, and in what is deeper down.

 

 

 

Why do you think that was?

 

 

 

 

This was due to a lot of stuff that deserves a list: I got into art proper, and thinking about making work. I did a lot in black and white. I got into music, and started playing guitar. I started a folk band and got pissed at everything, but in a folksy kind of way. My best friend and I watched Dead Poets Society one night and decided to do the same thing ourselves. A group of us read poetry in the woods, played music. We smoked a lot. We were very earnest. It was the best group of friends I have had, though I barely talk to some of them now. I fell in love. Still hard to see any other years of my life (with the exception of my married ones) as being anywhere near as transformative and important as these.

 

 

 

So, Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll were your making? And you’ll encourage your children in the same way?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes and yes. Except the sex. I can’t really claim to have had much of that. But I would definitely encourge my children to smoke, and then encourage them to quit immediately.

 

 

*GASP!*

 

 

 

 

Heh. And then things conspired to bring you back to England…

 

 

 

 

Yep, family moved to Bath after 4 years in Virginia. I hated it – had left a girl behind in America and my dad had bought a house that needed a load of work done on it. Spent the first winter freezing without heating.

 

 

 

 

But a silver lining, in football terms, I believe…

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I started  watching a bit of football again with my younger brother who was a United fan. We watched old videos of Andrei Kanchelskis and Ryan Giggs.

 

 

 

 

 

*YEAH!!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

Och, that’s more like it! What were you doing career wise at this point?

 

 

 

 

 

I spent the year doing DIY and working in an internet cafe, eating  a lot of the merchandise.

 

 

 

Och, you could argue a nod to your future career, hey? Anyway… I think at this point your heart was still in America…

 

 

 

Sounds so romantic! I moved back to the states for university. These years were also awesome. My friend and I had a radio show at 2 in the morning for two hours. It was in a ‘free jazz’ slot which meant we could play pretty much anything. The college radio station used to take collect calls from the local prison, but they stopped before my time because they were racking up massive bills. We used to get a lot of older, male callers at that time of the morning jazzed that we were playing the Kinks and reminiscing about that time, decades ago, that they played the East coast.

 

 

And at this time you starting becoming more aware of what was going on politically, something that would ultimately see you move back to England…

 

 

 

We had another slot for a news show on Monday nights. We interviewed Arianna Huffington when she was running for governor of California against Arnie. That was cool.  When the Iraq war was brewing I became pissed at everything again. My friends burned a flag on campus and it got national news coverage. I graffitied a few things.

 

 

 

And you became fairly politically active didn’t you?

 

 

Yeah, the Iraq war was a big deal. It was the most politically charged time of my life. We did a lot of demonstrating, tried to stimulate debates… This was in southern Virginia where they’re relatively conservative.

 

 

 

Och, right on brother! Och, what else was going on with you at this point?

 

 

 

 

Everyone was in bands, I spent a lot of weekends in basements watching music. I studied art, and got really into printmaking in particular. Spent some nights in the studio drinking 40’s and making etchings. That’s cool for you.

 

 

 

So, art and creativity was starting to shape your future. What were your influences, other artists, movements etc…

 

 

 

 

Had an amazing mentor-style professor who gave me most of the music I now own, and loads of life lesson stuff. I spent a couple of months teaching in Tanzania in 2003. I didn’t know anyone out there but loved being on my own. Cy Twombly’s work was important to me, but more so the work of my friends. I looked up to everyone I was friends with in some way or another.

 

 

Och, If you’ll pardon the cliche it sounds like a cult american movie? Were you always really happy over there?

 

 

 

Low points include selling an awesome Fender tube amp to make rent and being shitty in relationships. Woke up on 9/11 and watched the towers fall on a 7 inch Black and white TV my friend had in his room. Weirdest day of my life. But yeah, when I think back to high school and university it feels like a lot of it did play out like 10 Things I Hate About You.

 

 

Heh, but your relationship with footy was growing?

 

 

 

 

 

The only football that was on American TV was United, so I became a fan. It was in the early-mid 2000’s when we weren’t winning much. When I came back for holidays I would watch games with my brothers.

 

 

 

*YEAH!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s the little things, this audience appreciates. And so you came back to England again, but before we go on to that, do you plan to go back to the U.S? Is a bit of your heart still there?

 

 

 A bit for sure. But my friends have split to the four corners, so there’s no centralised point to return to, which makes it easier. Next time we go, I’d like to do the West Coast again. Start in Phoenix and end in Seattle.

 

 

 

Och, okay, let’s take a break David. My bum grapes are playing up something rotten. More from David after a quick word from our sponsors…

 

 

 

 

 

 Whether you’re a Little Devil…

A fully grown one…

 Or just a bit…

Or…

 Chesapeake Studio

have all your digital and design

 development needs covered!

 

Their ethos is pretty simple: do great work with great people.

 

But what’s with the fish?

 

Welcome back. I’m still here with David, one half of Bifurcated and we’re actually having quite a nice chat. I’m surprised to be honest. And so David, you were just saying, you moved back to England…

 

 

 

 

I moved back to the UK when I finished college turning down a possible year extension to my visa because of George Bush. Worked at Waterstones and started an MA in Multidisciplinary printmaking at UWE where I met my wife. Loved being a student again.

 

 

 

 

 

How did the two university cultures match up?

 

 

 

 

 

 I don’t know – my MA was overrun with middle-aged women. It wasn’t really comparable at all. What I have noticed is that the Americans work AND play hard, they differentiate and separate. The British seem to mix the two up more.

 

Heh. Och, so after you graduated…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moved to Bristol in 2007 and co-founded Snap, a printmaking co-operative and gallery. Left 18 months later to start Chesapeake design studio which is my current thang.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s SNAP pictured … Chesapeake is your own business.Which you run on your own … Does working alone work well for you?

 

I wish I was more collaborative. I mean, built-in collaborative. I envy people who find the collaborative process easier. I don’t, but want to.

 

As you said you also met your future wife at Uni back in England. How’s that all working out for you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, we got married in 2009 and had my first (and currently only) child in 2010 and both shes are the best things that have happened to me even though marriage can be hard. My wife is much cleverer than me and more level-headed. She has taught me most of what I know about relationships of any kind.

 

 

*AAAWW!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soft buggers! You also have a step-daughter. Has having a close family and siblings prepared you for your own family, if it ever can?

 

  

I think any relationship prepares you in some way for another. My step-daughter is also amazing. A step family has been challenging – partly because the relationships, and therefore the challenges, are intertwined.

 

 

Och, well from what I’ve seen you are a very loving and considerate father and step-father. With everything, do your friends see you much?

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t have as many friends as I used to. A lot are in America. With a wife, child and step daughter I don’t find much time to make friends or cultivate friendships which I find regrettable.

 

 

 

Och, so you’re not just ignoring Brett then? I would. Moving on, you always appear so grounded, level-headed, how do you maintain the balance? Do you wish you could do anything differently? I guess your work is important in this?

 

 

 

Wow, you always say that! It’s nice of you – I must be some actor. I do think that some things should be hilarious and some things should be serious. I need both things. I hate my reliance on technology, but love what the stuff is capable of. I feel very strongly about good design and architecture. I think Will Ferrell is a genius.

 

 

*YEAH!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looks like they agree with you there David! Revisiting what you said earlier… you went to church every Sunday and so would you say you’re ‘religious’ has that had an influence on the way you conduct yourself?

 

 

 

 

 

I believe in a creator but believe that it’s our relationships with other people that matter. We make our own way; I do not believe in an interventionist god (like Nick Cave).

 

 

 

Och, It’s slightly at odds, in my experience, to find a member of secular society with such an open and creative mind as yourself who believes in a ‘god’. Would you say that it’s more the ideas promoted by the church that provide that belief or do you actually choose to believe in creation over evolution?

 

 

 

 

Oh shit, I’m not a creationist. I probably shouldn’t have said ‘creator’. I just meant higher power, and I’m more of a clockwork universe kind of guy. You know, we’re in a process of unwinding…

 

 

 

 

*?*

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lost on me too that one … And so the church?

 

 

 

 

 

I find the church pretty irrelevant now, despite it’s presence in my life. I went to my nephew’s Christening last week and although it was a lovely day, I found myself more distant from what the vicar was saying than I have ever felt.

 

 

 

Okay. And so, do you think your general outlook has changed much, from the pot-smoking american youth to the father?

 

 

 

 

I spend a lot of time wishing I had more time to nurture my hobbies and passions. Listening to music is the only thing that has stayed constant. I feel less positive about humanity than I used to; more jaded. But I’m totally open to being reminded of the awesomeness of everyone. I am learning lots because I have a family, but learning less ‘stuff’ outside of that. That’s weird.

 

 

 

You also said you were aware of being middle class when younger, do you still feel middle class, or are you more inclined to see the lines as more blurred?

 

 

 

I hate the class system. I know I know, I defined myself pretty early on in this interview. BUT when I was in the States I really liked that all the lines were much more blurred and fluid. If I feel middle class it is because of my taste. I hate Asda. I read the Guardian.

 

 

 

And so finally, as we’re talking in context of you running a football site, where does football now fit in…

 

 

 

I love football, and hate it too. Sometimes I consider quitting it. Sometimes I consider supporting a crap team to lower my expectations. I have seen (Bristol) Rovers a couple of times. Live football is the best and I don’t watch it enough. In the past few weeks I have discovered a soft spot for Chelsea that I find disturbing. I am pleased to report that my hatred for Liverpool is undiminished. The same can also be said of my feelings for John Terry. Football is the beautiful leveller, that is currency across the world. Like smoking. And it’s beautiful, fucking beautiful.

 

*YEAH! (Apart from the Chelsea bit)*

 

 

 

 

 

Well thank you David, it’s been great getting to know you better. Hopefully we’ll see you round here a bit more often in the future. David … David? … Och, he’s gone again...

 

 

 

 

Och, many of us know Juan Manuel through his site  The Red Insider, but what else do we know? Let’s find out by asking the man behind the twitter avatar some questions shall we?

Fan(s) of the show may remember as part of the title sequence Red Fergie is now supposed to walk around a bit in the dark for no particular reason, but as is now the standard, we’ve taken the added precaution of strapping him to his chair. We’ll just skip it…

Och, So Juan, wait a minute … you’re in darkness, don’t we have a picture of you?

I like words to speak by themselves; this is why I do not have any pictures on my blog. All content appearing on The Red Insider is entirely done by me, so I if I do not have pictures taken by me, I don’t get them from other websites. As simple as that.

Very honourable. I don’t blame yer anyway pal. The minute beautiful people like us have a wee picture on those W’s all kinds of crazy people can do all kinds of crazy stuff to it … Look what someone did to me …

Actually, might keep hold of that one, how did that get in there? Och, anyway, how’s the site going?

It is an exciting experience, so far I have received more than 2,500 visits, mostly from United Kingdom, United States and Spain in that order. 2,500 visits is not a massive figure, but I am more than happy. My aim is just having fun and writing about United when I feel in the mood to do so, there is no pressure at all.

There it is! There’s quite a lot of sites out there, hey?

There are thousands of football blogs, but I feel that The Red Insider is a bit different. People tend to be very supportive and encourage me to keep up the good work. Besides, I have met some interesting bloggers, like yourself, so all in all I am enjoying it quite a lot.

So, fans of the site will know how special yer site is, but just explain to our viewers what’s so special about The Red Insider…

 It is the only one written from the heart of the enemy (Barcelona) in English and that makes it a bit special. You can imagine that it is not an easy thing being a United die-hard supporter and living here, especially considering what happened recently… something I don´t even want to mention …

Woo! (Audience applause)

Och, that’s a nice round of applause. Between me and you Juan, some of these lot divnae speak English as good as you. You haven’t always been fluent in English though?

 When I was at school my English was appalling and I even failed an exam … But I realized that I had to put more effort. A true United fan never gives up, and this is exactly what I did. Nevertheless, I must confess that I don´t entirely understand what Sir Alex Ferguson says.

Heh, heh! Well you put us all to shame now, your English is better than most English people on Twitter that I’ve seen. When you failed the exam I bet you didn’t imagine you’d be running an English language site?

Not even in my wildest dreams I could have ever imaged I would be writing a blog in English. But who thought Gerard Piqué would make it at Barcelona? You never know what the future has in stock for you.

But you came to England to study it and you did very well …

 Not exactly. I got an advanced degree from the University of Oxford two years back, but the preparation and tests were done in Barcelona. My story is not as glamorous and you may think unfortunately, but I visited Harvard University in Boston a few years ago.

Och, a beautiful place, full of people with much bigger brains than that lot in our dressing room! Quite an achievement …

I feel proud and happy of what I have achieved. I bet Sir Alex Ferguson would be proud of me as well! Seriously speaking, there’s still a long way to go for me before I reach my target of being 100% fluent in English.

Och so, how aboot you, are yer from a big family? Do you have any brothers and sisters Juan?

No, just my parents, my girlfriend and me. My parents are huge Red Devils supporters but I still have an unfinished business with my girlfriend… she respects Manchester United, but is not a crazy fan!

Heh! There’s probably enough crazy ones! Were you raised under a religious roof? Quite a few people I know from Spain have a  Catholic upbringing …

My whole family is moderate Catholic, but in fairness we don’t go to Church very often.  Saint Patrick’s Cathedral, which is located in Manhattan, is one of the most beautiful places I have ever witnessed.

… and you?

I consider myself the same way. I was brought up to respect all religions and beliefs and this is what I do. Manchester United is a good example of cultural integration and this is a part I love about the club.

Amen to that! Och, okay, but just to check,  you’re fully aware that me and Eric are your Gods then hey?!

*Groan*

Och, come on it was only a wee joke. Anyway, so Juan you studied English when younger how did you get on at school in general?

I was a good student, but not excellent. I mean my grades were fine, but I was not especially talented. In order to pass an exam, I had to work hard.

And apart from English what were your favourite subjects pal?

History and Geography. It is always interesting expanding your knowledge about different topics.

You’re obviously a clever wee fella. The only history I’m interested in can be found on the United Wikipedia page and in terms of Geography, put Old Trafford into Google … Eh, am I right?!

*Cheer*

Och, they are awake then?! Soooo, then before you came to England to study you also went University?

I went to university in Barcelona. One of my dreams was studying abroad, either in England or the United States but the chance never presented itself.

And what were yer studying there?

I got a degree in Journalism a few years back. This could be considered another highlight in my lifetime. I was the first person in my family who went to university..

Och congratulations! Of course yer a Journalist, I knew that. You should pass some tips on to Brett and David who “run” Bifurcated! Did you always want to be a journalist?

 Yes, especially a Sport Journalist. As a child I was a big fan of a Spanish Journalist who goes by the name of José María García. I pretended to be like him. His straightforward approach was unique; he is now retired, but is still rated as the best in the business.

There he is now! Well, I’m impressed. Unlike most of us, you actually do it as a profession … Someone in my ear is telling me it’s time for another tranquiliser shot, so, we should go for a commercial break. Back soon …

Because sometimes words speak by themselves …

There’s The Red Insider

With regular posts on all things United!

The only English speaking United blog based in Barcelona!

The Red Insider

Och,welcome back! Not running our own adverts anymore? Och, oh well. So, Juan, you liked football from a young age, but I can’t imagine you could get to Manchester very often having been born in Barcelona. Have you been to see a lot of games in Spain?

When I was a child, I attended several Athletic Bilbao’s matches at San Mamés along with my parents. This is the team I support on a local basis. I guess you all have become very familiar with this outfit lately.

Ssshhh! Don’t think the crowd are ready to talk about that lot yet! A long trip from Barcelona?

My dad was driving many hours from Barcelona to Bilbao, 600km separating one city from the other.

Och, one coast to the other! That’s devotion! And you went go to other games too?

We also visited other stadiums in Spain, such as Valencia, Zaragoza, Villarreal … it was always fun. I have very fond memories of these short, but intense trips.

Och, you obviously love a lot of sport, do you have a favourite one?

Football. basketball and tennis, in that order. But I like almost all sports, except maybe cricket (I’m sorry), I don’t even understand the rules … Can a game seriously be played for several days?

 Heh heh! I’m with you. I like to use cricket as a sedative. Och, now we know your favourite football team is United and you also like that team we won’t mention, but who’s you’re favourite basketball team?

 Boston Celtics and Club Joventut de Badalona. The former is as you may know the most decorated NBA team and the latter are a Spanish team boasting a huge reputation of producing young talents from its academy. As a matter of fact, Joventut was European champion in 1994.

Sorry, that’s lost on me! I’m not interested in Europe at the moment anyway. Tennis player?

Rafael Nadal. He is a true hero in my eyes. Best Spanish sportsman ever.

Vamos and all that hey?! Do you play any sports yourself, or just watch?

Right now I do not practice much sport, just watch it on TV and play the odd game on weekends. However, I used to play quite a lot when I was younger.

Och, what, football? You enjoyed playing?

Most of my most remarkable memories are related to football, it has always been a big part of my life.

What position did you play?

I remember very fondly the first match I featured in the starting line-up of my preliminary school’s team. I used to play as a striker, but that day the manager decided to play me at centre back, we won 4-2 and I scored the last goal.

Och! A defender with a striker’s instinct, we could do with one of those right now, and that’s where you played from then on?

 Since that day, it was my permanent position. Nemanja Vidic and me could have made a fearful partnership, but Sir Alex Ferguson did not scout me. Shame on him!

*Ha Ha*

Oooh, they liked that one! Och, I never asked why did you start supporting Manchester United?

The final day of the 1994/95 season, they blew their chances of retaining the championship by drawing 1-1 at Upton Park, to make things even worse, a week later United also conceded the FA Cup.

*BOO! *

Och, okay no need to rub it in! How did that work with you supporting them?

Every cloud has a silver lining and those seven days of brutal fatality made me realize that I was meant to support them.

Och, well let’s move on, terrible memories those!  Away from your love of sports, you watch a bit of television to relax, don’t you. What programmes would we expect to find Juan watching?

I like relaxing watching some series such as Friends, Sex and the City, Big Love, Desperate Housewives, Mad Men…

… Och! lots of that American stuff, Mike Phelan’s always watching then! American movies too I s’pose …

You are not mistaken. My favourite films include Star Wars, Spread, The Butterfly Effect, No strings Attached, Friends with Benefits…

Never heard of any of them, Star Wars is the one where that mean fella is that other soft fella’s father isn’t it? Yeah, sounds like me and Darren, hey?!

*Moan*

Och, suit yourselves! … And I bet you love American music too …

 I like both English and American cultures, but my I am a big fan of Laura Pausini, an Italian singer. The Corrs, Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson are all nice to listen to.

Pah! Typical, that poor wee fella in that band never gets in the pictures! You’ve been to America haven’t you? In fact, I hear you’re  a keen traveller?

 I do not travel as much as I would like, but I enjoy it quite a lot when I have the chance to go abroad. I have mostly travelled around Europe and North-America.

Och, where would you go to if you could get on a plane right now?

 As far as I am concerned, New York City is the best place on earth, nothing can beat its atmosphere… the sense of individuality and personal freedom … No matter where you were born, everybody can be a New Yorker.

What aboot Manchester?

 I do love Manchester, I have been there twice. In my opinion, it is a typical English city and this is a bonus. Although nowhere comes close to New York City, I have always felt at home. Strange as it may seem, I have never visited London.

It rains a lot though over here, doesn’t it, hey? Especially in Manchester and we’ve got noisy neighbours … Anywhere else you like?

Boston, mainly because of my affiliation to Boston Celtics and the history of the city. There are plenty of interesting places to visit and relax. Nightlife and gastronomy are not bad either. People are open-minded and kind to visitors.

Sorry, these lot at Bifurcated haven’t got the budget to get you to any of those places, but I hope you get the chance to visit soon. Speaking of which, they haven’t got the budget to keep me here much longer. By my watch it’s time to wrap things up! So, Juan, how do you see the rest of the season going?

I am fully convinced that United will remain unbeaten for the rest of the season and City will drop points at Stoke and Arsenal, so we will clinch the 20^th title at the Etihad Stadium on Monday April 30^th.

Well, Juan, it has been an absolute pleasure. I hope you keep enjoying doing your site and that you have every success in yer journalism career!

From all of us at Bifurcated, bye for now!

If you didn’t catch those links earlier. Then click here for The Red Insider site and you can follow Juan on Twitter here!

(Applause to fade)

********

Also available in the series…

Red Fergie’s Bife Stories: Steph Doehler

Now, as scheduled we present, next , on the Bi-Player, Red Fergie’s Bife Stories. We’re contractually obliged to have him present this show, however rest assured he has been heavily sedated. Enjoy!

Och, many of us know Steph Doehler as the boss of Football United Blogs but what else do we know?

Och! What I want to find oot is a bit more aboot Steph the person behind the blog, behind the twitter avatar…

As part of the title sequence Red Fergie is now supposed to walk around a bit in the dark, but the drugs he’s been administered with mean he is unable to perform this simple function.

Just before we get started, I’ve just got a little bone to pick wee yer, Steph. Now apparently yoo were the one that encouraged our boss Brett to start blogging by allowing him to contribute to FUB…Och, Look I’ll slip yer a tenner after the show if yer can help me come up with a way of, I don’t know, discouraging him. I mean have you read our site recently? For christs sake…

…*cough* Och, anyway, we’ll speak after, so, hello Steph, welcome to the show. It’s a pleasure to have yoo here. How’s the site going?

Hi, good thanks, we’ve got some great writers on board for it. It can be quite time consuming at times but really enjoyable so no complaints!

Och, there it is, great stuff…One of our researchers found oot from a bit of digging around that despite only starting the site in October 2010 your hit rate matches many of the more establishes United blogging sites. What do yer think’s the key to that?

I think it’s a case of keeping it interesting. There are some great United sites out there, all of which try to be different to the rest and in turn, we often end up being the same! But I guess it’s finding different opinions and running with those. I think having the online magazine makes moves us away from being purely an information service.

And have yoo learnt a few things along the way?

At one point we were writing two or three a day with regular updates but after a while it came to me that we don’t need to do that. People would much prefer to just go on the official website for that. It’s similar with match reports. We recently stopped doing match reports as there are so many places you can read them, instead we do match autopsies now which go through the main talking points from the match. So I guess that’s it really – keeping the website interesting, full of debate and opinionated.

Och, the numpties who run this site, just seem to specialise in nonsense. I don’t get it at all. Anyhoo…Okay, so yoo were born in 1986 in Worcester in the West Midlands and Redditch is where yoo grew up with yer two older brothers. Was that tough? I know how bloody annoying siblings can be, but two boys…?

They were a bit older than me, five and seven, so I guess it was tougher on them than it was on me. By the time I was mobile and could speak I just wanted to do whatever they did. So I always tried to play football with them, play hide and seek, computer games and so on.

Och and they let yoo join in? Doesnae sound like any young boys I know…

I’d sometimes be allowed to play football though invariably play the role of a goalpost, whilst watching them! I’d be left up trees or find myself hiding for ages on top of the shed because instead of coming to find me they’d gone in to play on their Amstrad or Master System!

Ha Ha

All in all we got on fairly well. We had the obvious sibling arguments but nothing major and they had their nice moments from time to time like building me Lego houses to play or letting me play on the computer games. So it wasn’t all a massive trauma!

Aaaaww

Och, yer softies yer! One second, I’ve just got something in my eye. And the rest of your family…I understand your dad was a Baggies fan and he got yoo into football, taking you to matches and that.  Going to West Brom matches in the late 80’s early 90’s when they were experiencing one of their worst slumps in their history must have been fun?

It was a mixture really of him and my brothers getting me into football – my mum hates the sport! I would have gone to my first Baggies game when I was around seven I think. I think they were playing Southend and won 2-0. There was a minute’s silence, can’t remember why, and I asked my dad what was going on. Lots of people looked round at me.

Ha Ha

 Heh, Did your dad expect you to be a baggies fan?

In terms of who I supported, my dad never really pushed me to support West Brom at all. I think maybe because I was the only girl he wasn’t that bothered about who I supported because he presumed I’d grown out of it.

Och, I think we’ve got a picture yoo took of a West Brom game yoo went to with yer Dad recently…

Yeah, I took him for his Birthday.

Och, obvious question, it’s on the autocue. So, how did you choose United?

I copied my best friend at school. He was called Luke and he’s a United fan – his family is from Manchester so it was an obvious choice for him. It was just before Leeds won the old First Division so I wasn’t that old. I just went home one day and told him I supported United and he didn’t really react. Sadly it was one of my brothers who reacted the worst because by this point he was quite a staunch Liverpool fan and still is.

BOO!

Och, not a popular choice with our audience.

I’m not sure why my dad didn’t push West Brom more onto him but for whatever reason, I guess them being the team of the 80’s, he chose Liverpool.

What did yer brother think aboot yoo choosin United?

 I remember he didn’t speak to me for a couple of days after I told him I had chosen United. I think even now one of the many reasons why Liverpool are, for me, the most hated rivals is partly because he supports them. I must admit I don’t often tell people he supports them!

HA HA!

Och, I don’t blame yer. Now, your dad’s side of the family is German. Hence the name Doehler. Is that right?

It was my granddad who was German, he fought in WWII and became a prisoner of war and stayed in England.

Wow. How do you feel like that impacted on your upbringing? Were you aware that other people or children may have been looking at you as different because of your German heritage? Kids can find the slightest thing to pick up on and use…

I never had any bullying in the slightest for it. Sadly my granddad died shortly after I was born so I never really got to know the German side of the family particularly well and even now I’ve only ever met a couple of them. Therefore I still have the same rivalry most English people have towards the Germans!

HA HA

Heh…And yer mother’s side were Irish. What influence has that had on yoo, if any?

I learnt a bit about Gaelic football from them and used to get the latest Dublin Gaelic football shirt whenever I went out, as they live just outside Dublin, in Dun Laoghaire. But more than anything my cousins chatted to me about rugby. I’d never had much experience of rugby before because neither my dad nor brothers were into it.

Och, so do you support the Irish rugby team or English?

When I started watching it later in life I started supporting Ireland – for no reason other than the fact that I’m sure I’d have never got into it if they didn’t talk about it. I have that affiliation with what they taught me. I think it’s sometimes ironic that the only sport England have been world champions in, in my lifetime, is a sport I don’t follow them in!

The people of Ireland tend to be a particularly religious bunch. Did yoo find that and did you find it shaped the way yoo were brought up?

Yes, some of the family are quite religious, Catholic but that never really affected us. Despite my granddad’s not being English, both my grandmothers were, so we were more Christian, I guess, than anything else. All three of us were christened but we aren’t practicing or anything.

Phew. Thought I’d have to watch my cusses! How did the young Steph get on at school? Were yoo a model pupil or were yoo a bit of a mischief maker?

I was one of those students who was just a run of the mill kid really. I did pretty well, but not excellent. I loved English and PE, and did pretty well in maths.I Hated Science. But in general I was alright – I could be talkative and mess around from time to time but I wasn’t naughty.

Och, so, no all out war with any teachers?

I always got on well with my teachers and still speak to a couple of them now so I guess I can’t have been that bad!

Och, I guess not, hey. So, yoo took PE further and did a degree in PE and Sports Studies at the University of Worcester from 2004-07…

A very nice place, and this is also where yoo met Rachel who as we all know is the co-editor of the Football UB fanzine. How did University suit yer? 

 I loved Uni, it was one of the best experiences of my life!

Did yoo have a clear idea of where your future career was heading?

I went there fully expecting to do my PGCE after it and become a secondary school PE teacher. But in my second year I had a few placements and figured out that perhaps actual teaching wasn’t for me. I liked the idea of lecturing but didn’t think much of it. Then, when I graduated, a job came up at one of the college’s in Worcester and that’s where I am now for the time being!

Och, well I’m sure we’re all keen to hear more Steph, but we’re just going to take a wee short break. Back after the ads. Why not stick the kettle on hey?

Still available on the Bi-Player the controversial The Z Factor: The Final!

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♪♫ De De De De De…

♪♫DE!♪♫

OCH! Welcome everyone to the final of the Z Factor…

To find out exactly what happened next visit the Bi-Player!

The Z Factor: The Final!

Where can I find opinion on all the latest United news?

Where can I find special United features, tips and articles?

With an up-to-date blog from a wide range of contributors…

and a monthly online United fanzine…

What more could you want?

Where was all that again?

Och welcome back! We’re still here with Steph Doehler and having a good chat aboot, well her. So, Steph, following on after Uni yoo got a job at a local college running the sport centre, where students had their lessons, which must have been the perfect stepping stone?

It was. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get a lecturing job just off the back of my degree but this was a brilliant position to gain experience in that environment and then do the additional qualification needed to teach, which I did!

Och, How did yoo fit it all in?

It was hard work doing a full time job and my qualifications but it was really 18 months and it has kind of set up my career. I did a Masters in Sports History, which I don’t actually need to have in order to lecture, but I always wanted to do one and then as I was winding down from that I started my PGCE which I finished last July.

Still, a big workload…

Luckily I’m quite organised so managed to keep on top of it all just about!

And so now yoo are?

Since August 2011 I’ve been a Personal Tutor. So I deal with all the pastoral care for the Sports students and run their tutorial programme – which means I have to do all sorts of sessions on personal development, careers, Uni, study skills and so on.

According to this your moving soon? 

 I am moving in March, I’ve recently got a full time lecturing job at a college near Northampton.

Are yoo moving in with friends? Getting on the property ladder or just finding yourself a bachelor pad kitting it out with your Xbox and Sky Sports?

Although we do have Sky Sports and a PS3 so it sounds like a bachelor pad! I’ll be moving in with my partner.

Wooh!

Love’s young dream, hey?…Folks, come on, Jeez! Full time lecturer yoo say, ruddy hell. Quite a responsibility?

Haha yes, scary! I’ve been teaching on a smaller scale for two years so it’s nothing new, it’ll just be different doing it day in, day out. But I’m really looking forward to it.

Away from the career side of things and your involvement with the website. Do yoo play any sports yourself? Sport, from what you’ve answered so far, plays a big part in your life…

I have played a number of sports in my time, but my main sports growing up were hockey and football. This turned into just hockey once I got to Uni and since. I haven’t played in the last year however for a number of reasons: I was finding I had a lot of neck and shoulder problems, plus with the website and fanzine demands and going up to the football quite regularly.

Och, I think we have a picture of yoo in action…

When I move I think I’ll probably take it up again next season. I’m a naturally very competitive person and I really miss that side of it. That said I’ve always been quite a laid back, almost lazy, player, think Berba…

Who?…

…but I play in defence. So I quite literally stop forwards getting past me and pass the ball forward. I’m no hockey equivalent of Phil Jones, darting into the opposition’s box!

Phil Jones!

Och a fan! So, as you’ve played a bit of footy yourself. What do yoo think aboot the women’s game? I think I’ve heard yoo say you’re not that keen? What do yoo think could be done to improve it? Or do yoo think it’s just what it is?

I think it’s a vicious circle. It won’t be improved until more money is pumped into it and built up the profile but then again people probably don’t want to put money into it because it’s not particularly big, compared to the men’s game.

True…

My main dislike for it though is probably similar to most people’s – when you’re so used to the men’s game, watching the women’s is so much slower and boring. I know that probably sounds really bad but I just don’t think I’ll ever be interested.

Have yoo been ter any games?

I’ve been to a women’s FA Cup final and was pretty underwhelmed, it certainly wasn’t like being in the Stretford End! I used to watch some of my friends play sometimes and that was good but I guess it’s different when you actually know the people playing.

Och, okay, fer enough. We won’t mention the United womens team. hey. Back to yoo again, growing up around Brum, did it influence your musical tastes? Got any two-tone on your I-pod?

Not even remotely! My dad and brothers, again(!), influenced it more growing up. So at a young age I loved the likes of Guns n’ Roses, the Wildhearts, the Beatles and even Chris de Burgh, thanks dad!

What aboot your own tastes you’ve picked up? 

As I think most girls did who grew up in the 90s, I went through a boyband phase too – so Westlife, Boyzone, East 17 and so on.

Och! All the best stuff, hey? Yoo should have stuck with Chris…No laugh for that? Suit yourselves…

Nowadays it’s reverted back to being a bit more rock based, Oasis, Coldplay, The Killers…basically anything you’d hear on Kerrang.

Oasis?

BOO!

Och, again not a popular choice with our audience…Yoo lot are wicked! Let’s move on. You’re also a keen gamer. What games would we expect to find yoo playing in your non-bachelor-bachelor pad? Let me guess Footy Manager?

I deliberately haven’t bought the latest Football Manager because I have a tendency to become quite consumed by it so I haven’t played that in some time.

Football management is the hardest game in the world, let me tell yoo…

Currently, I’m playing the latest Uncharted on the PS3, it’s brilliant! I can’t wait until the new GTA comes out though.

I think we’ve got a picture of that I don’t know why…

 Och, apparently we’re charging Naughty Dog an arm and a leg for the plug and the invoice is in the post. Oh, I wasn’t supposed to *cough*…So, what does the year ahead and beyond look like for yoo? As a lover of travelling you’re going to Prague in April?

That’s right, Prague in April. I’ve never been there before, but heard really good things about it.

And apparently you’d love to go travelling across America?

 America is my dream place. I’ve been over a couple of times but only to New York and New Jersey so I’d love to spend some real quality time exploring all the states and learning about all the different cultures. It would be fantastic…Of course what stops most of us achieving our dreams is money. So maybe that’ll be one for the future!

Well I hope so! That’s aboot it by my watch. Someone in my ear, is telling me my tranquilisers are wearing off. I’d just like to thank Steph, it’s been an absolute pleasure and our wonderfully soppy studio audience. What are your thoughts for the rest of the season Steph?

It’s going to be a difficult, yet exciting second half of the season. We have a really tough couple of weeks now with Chelsea and Liverpool away, not to mention the ties against Ajax. We also still have the likes of Spurs and City away too – so it’s not going to be easy. But then again, we never like to do things the easy way! We will be there or thereabouts at the end but I think injuries will play a part in who wins the league. We’ve had a difficult start to the season with so many but I think if we can get everyone, bar Vida, back fighting fit it’ll be a battle to the end.

That would be very nice. Thanks for your time Steph. If yoo didn’t catch those links earlier or click on any icons then Steph’s site is www.football-united-blogs.com and yoo can follow her on Twitter at @Stephdoehler! Good night everybody!

(Applause…to fade)