(@Benglorious)

I am unable.

Prediction: Brett will hope to find the last Arsenal preview where he hopes I also said I am unable but will actually find something annoyingly passable as a preview so will just copy and paste from my WhatsApp message where I said I am unable 0 – 0 United.

M

 (@tom_mcghee)

I too am unable tell your words to suck it.

Just copy and paste from whenever we last played arsenal imho of the first time we played arsenal or any time we played arsenal.

Prediction: Brett will hope to find the last Arsenal preview where he hopes I also said just copy and paste from whenever we last played arsenal imho of the first time we played arsenal or any time we played arsenal and will actually find something annoyingly passable as a preview so will just copy and paste from my WhatsApp message where I said Just copy and paste from whenever we last played arsenal imho of the first time we played arsenal or any time we played arsenal. 0 – 0 United.

MM

(@bifurcated_utd)

I went first last week with my prediction and was abso humiliated, so, I refuse to go first this time. Oh. Fuck. Think if I was pushed I could pick just one single hole in my plan; it was in going first, and thinking they might be doing a prediction, and then realising they cba’d.

Prediction: More magic. More goals. Less Paddy Power using Ole’s beautiful face. 0 – 0 United.

Football??!! Bloody hell!!! That’s mine. Last week we were all crying into our pot noodles and beating our loved ones with a rolling pin. And this week we’re making merry and beating our loved ones with a rolling pin but apologising afterwards.

United. United. United. In that order. Innit. Hashtag GGMU.

Here’s 5 things we learned about our heroes in red* *Sometimes white, and sometimes whatever the other colour is, I’m gonna say pink, cos that’s just a nightmare waiting to happen for the kit cleaners/women:

1. Thought it conspicuous that a lot of Wayne’s detractors remained silent after today’s performance (his best for a while imho, give or take the last 8 mins).

3. Pretty sure Wayne would’ve saved Gray’s effort tbh.

6) Actually watched most of this one. Pretty sure it was written by JJ Abrams.

2. Your face is written b

m

 FBA-Nominated Maverick (@Benglorious)

The last time we played Northampton we actually had good players who were proven goalscorers for United – Diego Forlan and Mikaël Silvestre both netted that day. Those were the good times. Nowadays, we’re not even sure we can beat a team that is five hundred places below us in the league even though we’ve literally spent all the money on all the players and all the managers. Glory Glory Man United.

Prediction: JoMo to cease to exist because people stop talking about him. No-Marcus Gashfraud to hate the silencers by scoring a reverse-backheel. Pogba to score a hat-trick of doubt. 5-4 Northampton.

 FBA-Nominated Hammerlegend (@tom_mcghee)

I don’t know where Northampton is and I’m pretty sure I’ve driven through it more than twelve times.

What was always going to be a ‘let’s hope United slip up’ kinda game, I think the additional presence of a UN Peacekeeping force – in case any stray comments hurt one of our players – will raise the spectacle level by 2. Making it a 3. And as anyone who knows numbers will tell you, 3 is a magic number. Yes it is, it’s the magic number; somewhere in this hip-hop soul community, was born 3, Mase Dove and Me and that’s the magic number. What does it all mean? My analysis: Everybody wants to be a DJ, everybody wants to be an MC.

Prediction: Being Speakers are the best. Cease and Desist order from De La Soul’s legal representation, Pogba triple hat-trick to silence the haters, scientific proof that Rash actually is the second coming. 1-0, United.

m 

 FBI-Most Wanted (@ttackattackattack)

I am joining a monastery and hereby relinquish all sites and awards to Tom and Benno, the real heroes. Is something I would never say. I don’t even like monsters. Or Tom. Or Benno. Or either of them tbh. But, if I had to pick just one to like, forever, then I would have to say Joshua Tree.

Northampton, Northampton, Northampton. Hey?! What can be said about Northampton that hasn’t been already said: backwards sounds like a Danish baddy Transformer from the past and present future BC. Check if anyone has said that. Then, tell me who’s the baddest MF.

Prediction: RashforDeeply Depay bout the curves you got. Deeply hot; hot for the curves you got. Ohhhh Me-emphis… You can use that Benno. Just came to me. Use it. Or you’re fired. Scum. Pogba to triple the haters with a silent-trick. 0-0 United.

 FBA-Nominated Troll Benno (@Benglorious)

 15.02, Thursday – Just found out there’s a game tonight.

Prediction: Terrible. 5-0 United 

 FBA-Nominated Cunt Tom (@tom_mcghee)

I don’t care. In fact, I don’t care so much, I’m going to smash your fucking face in.

Related: anyone else notice the two teams who recently lost to City BOTH trained on the same ground beforehand?? Coincidence? No, the training area is obviously at fault, result declared null and void (like Brett’s life).

Secondly, if you take Man United and make it plural and then change Feyenoord to FireLord, you have a brilliant premise for a Hollywood film: Men, united against FireLord (he is bad)

Trois Couleurs: Bleu (1993)

French, Haven’t seen it.

Prediction: Awful. Absolutely awful. 7-0 United, Rashford to score all 7 in 7 minutes thereby making Lewandowski look a right mug.

m 

 FBA-Nominated Drawer of Beppe di Marco’s dad Brett(@ttackattackattack)

At last a game with some meaning. Not that you could tell from the effort above.

Expect:

• ball
• bash
• blast
• celebration
• cheer
• clambake
• delight
• dissipation
• distraction

• diversion
• enjoyment
• entertainment
• feast
• frolic
• fun
• gaiety
• game
• grins
• laugh

• merriment
• merrymaking
• party
• pastime
• picnic
• play
• recreation
• relaxation
• relief

• revelry
• satisfaction
• shindig
• sport
• sprees
• surprise
• treat
• big time
• blow out

• divertissement
• fun and games
• good time
• high time
• leisure activity
• lots of laughs
• regalement
• wingdings

Prediction: Fireworks and trees being pulled up and scaling the highest climbs and a party atmosphere Russ Abbott with one ‘t’ would have loved. Too soon. Oh. He’s alive?! But in prison?! No?! Oh. 0-0 United. Marcus with a hat-trick, that played backwards, and at 78rpm, reveals the meaning of life.