Bifurcated Manchester United ~ CL: United vs CSKA Moscow

Benno (@Benglorious)

Rather cleverly, Brett has put a video in his bit that won’t play on my computer so I can’t ruin/steal his joke. This makes me think he’s got an adult to help him which is clearly against the rules that I just thought of. I also can’t ruin/steal Tom’s jokes because I have to ghostwrite his like some sort of writing ghost. How do ghosts even write if they can’t touch anything? Maybe they dictate to some sort of monster with fingers. I’ve forgotten my point.

Opposition summary: CSKA Moscow are the only team in the European League of Champions that I can’t think of a joke for because my dinner’s ready.

Prediction: Chicken and vegetables in a tomato and basil sauce with steamed rice and a cool glass of blackberry & apple squash. 0-0 United.

Tom (@tom_mcghee)

Won’t have time, tonight or for Saturday – flat out at the minute pals

I’m sure YOU’LL come up with something pal

Plumbing on a Saturday? You? Something ain’t right here

Glol x

At WBA game innit

CLASS TRAITOR

WE TAKE THE PISS OUT OF FOOTBALL WE DON’T GO TO ACTUAL MATCHES

I’m going ironically

Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty good. That aside, pretty good.

Prediction: Four Martial goals per minute until the end of time as we know it. 1-o Sunderland.

Prediction:

Brett (@tendencytoleaveyouneedingasewingkitforyoursides)

Three correct predictions in a row for me and that one up there, with the joke stealing face. If we get four in a row, then everyone who reads this wins at life. Apart from Benno and Tom.

I decided to do some re: search for this crucial, makey breaky, high-pressure … I’m gonna say … game?

The only thing on the whole of the internet about ‘Moscow’ was this music video below*, so I’m starting to doubt whether Moscow isn’t just a banter. Also, tbh, the young lady in the video isn’t even singing about Moscow, but another place called Moscau:

*Strangely enough, if you listen carefully, you can hear a baby alien crying out for a Michael (presumably Carrick). Maybe it’s a sign from a parallel Universe, who don’t have a clue what they’re talking about, to play him…?

Prediction: Danny with his custard and ice cream. Don’t tell Wenger. Hashtag Vangle out, out. As in, in. 0-0 United.

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