Bifurcated Manchester United ~ FA Cup: Blackburn vs. United

(@Benglorious)

Blackburn Rovers gained their unique name in 1911, when, due to all eligible men of footballing age having been called up to fight in the Great War, they had to field an XI comprised entirely of local dogs in their cup tie against Accrington Stanley, who himself had to use a lieu day from his milk round in order to play. After a goalless first half, Stanley managed to break the deadlock whilst the Labrador playing at left-back started humping the Collie playing in goal. Parity was quickly restored, however, when the Rottweiler trequartista pinned his opponent in the centre circle allowing the Jack Russell at number 9 to roll the ball into the unguarded net. The game was abandoned in the 64th minute after the referee stepped in dogshit. The FA decided to void the game seeing as the FA Cup shouldn’t even have been played during the ongoing global conflict.

Reference: “The Worst Things In Football That Don’t Involve Joey Barton Because He’s Great” – J. Barton (2014, Doubleday)

Prediction: Blackburn to do really well until they realise it’s not the mid-90’s. United to do that thing they do that looks like we’re bad/good* but we’re actually good/bad**. 0-0 United.

*Do you really need this joke format explaining?

**Really?

(@tom_mcghee)

Blackburn is a small northern town in the north and also the surname of my neighbours when I was a kid. Their son was called ‘Dino’. Imagine living with that.

Blackburn Rovers are their local team and they once helped Alan Shearer win his one medal. He could’ve won a shit load more at another club but he turned them down twice, but not for money. Did he win more? Who fucking cares. Chris Sutton also played for them before his career became a joke and he failed so badly at Chelsea. Great pundit though, doesn’t remind me a budget Piers Morgan at all. Which leads me into my 9th point: the ruddy magic of the cup. The ‘magic of the cup’ is a myth; magic is neither real nor good, as demonstrated by every TV magician ever. Also, even if it were real, it would be cheating. Why am I up this early?

John Wick 2 (2017)

Haven’t seen it yet but heard good things. Aside from that BeardedGenius nonce who claimed he didn’t get it but he hadn’t seen it yet. Which makes no sense.

Prediction: Dino Blackburn was the first lad who had an earring when I was a kid. That must mean something, 4-0 United, Pogba to hit woodwork 13 times.