Features

As United have apparently stumbled upon their early season lull a couple of months behind the expected schedule (or 10 months early, for those insisting we aren’t going to be having one this season), it’s only natural that collective fingers are prepared, sharpened, pointed, prodded and jabbed violently in the direction of the presumed culpable parties amongst the squad. In ‘failing’ to replace Scholesy […]

I decided after having overheard and engaged in too many conversations, casual chats and unreasonable drunken slanging matches about the money in football, that I was going calculate how much I’ve actually earned in my lifetime. The point being for me that the next time someone inevitably recoils mid-discourse and says, “but, 200,000-a-week that’s more than most people earn in a…(insert appropriate time-frame according to social stratification)” I’d have some actual solid […]

I don’t like Arsene Wenger. I never did. The way he carries himself looks uneasy and cold to me. I feel he reserves his smiles for the occasions when he makes a particularly smug retort to the press. Whilst the Arsenal players drench each other in champagne (remember those heady days), Arsene seems to prefer […]

Just as I was trying to write an introduction to this post another story, this time of how Balotelli hates Manchester, has flashed up on my twitter timeline and as ever it’s accompanied by a smattering of acerbic comment, witticism, thinly veiled or overt racism, resolute defence and nonsensical guff (that’s the bit I usually […]

When Sepp Blatter so eloquently suggested that to improve the women’s game you would effectively need to turn it into a 4-dimensional lads mag, we audibly tutted, wagged our collective virtuous index fingers and shook our self-righteous heads in unison. We will not stand for this! We are the well adjusted, marching towards equality. In […]

My United wrist-band (worn as a pseudo-tribute to Hargo), my United footy socks, my retro 80’s United cap and my awkwardly ill-fitting red jumper cut a clumsy path to my bed. I imagined I must have petulantly shrugged them off about 11 hours earlier. The scene complete with shoes on my cat’s bed suggested my […]

While it hardly pained me to write from the point of view of Barcelona a few days ago, I certainly found it unnatural. It’s my pleasure now, to rattle off a few reasons why United will prevail on Saturday and why Barca should be quaking in their total-football boots. In an interview with the Guardian […]

It’s 3:00am Sunday May 29th and Wembley stadium is cloaked in near silence. The floodlights illuminate the night sky as the surrounding streets echo with the glorious hum of exultant crowds. Football’s home is momentarily stirred by the zephyr of nature as a seagull glides down from the morning haze to pitch side. It settles […]

While discussing features for the CL final, I mentioned to Brett I might like to write from Barca’s point of view. I often wonder what other teams think of United; what threats they will face, what they feel they can exploit. When I read this interview with Xavi, one of my favourite players to watch, […]

I am a Biased Pervert. Okay, so far off to a bad start. I am perhaps in need of a crash course in the science of self–enunciation, but please bear with me. I intend to ingratiate myself with you in the future and for this I will mostly be using the other distinguishing characteristics I […]