Leicester 0 – 3 United
Leicester City are Champions. We beat the Champions. We stay 6th. When did this conspiracy start? Where did it start? How did it start? Where will it end? When will it end? How will it end? Is that enough words for hot content? One more word makes it a round 100 words. Perfect. Here’s […]
FA Cup 4th Round: United 4 – 0 Wigan
I can’t remember the last time I saw a vitally important overhead kick scored with such grace. Oh no wait! … of course, there was the Berba one. I’m sure we’ll see plenty more of that from Basti over the next decade or so, and hopefully beyond. If we’d scored more, the scoreline would have […]
EFLC Semi Final: Hull 2 (2) – (3) 1 United
Another defeat! This United is not the United I know and love. I always knew this wouldn’t work out. Mourinho is a massive belOH … WAIT! Another cup final! This United is the United I know and love. I always knew this would work out. Mourinho is a massive bellend. Here’s 5 things we learned: […]
Stoke 1 – 1 United
Here’s 250 things we learned: 1. Rooney is a god. 2. I’ve always said that. 3. Yes I have. 4. He’s a dedicated follower of fashion. 5. Oh yes he is. 6. Oh yes he is. 7. Other lyrics.
United 1 – 1 Scum
CAPS LOCK AND VARIOUS BUTTONS ON MY COMPUTER HAVE LEGIT GONE TO SHIT> SEND HELP> CAN”T EVEN DO PUNCTUATION> FUCK MY LIFE> Here’s 5 things we learned, which were written before the buttons issue above: 1. Pogba is bad. 2. #Pogba is worse. 3. Hope we long ball our way to next season’s Champions League Final. […]
EFLC Semi Final First Leg: United 2 – 0 Hull
AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEEEEEEVE US… WE’RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE cup semi final first leg. Lol @ Loserpool. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. That Fellaini/Keane/Lily Allen gag was pretty good. 2. For you. 3. Winning is good, we should […]
FAC: United 4 – 0 Reading
In years from now you’ll be able to tell your grandkids, “I was there!!” A goalscoring feat that we’ll be talking about for generations to come. Cementing one of United’s GOAT’s Hammerlegend status. One of those goalden moments… January 7th, 2017: Marcus Rashford with YET ANOTHER one-yard smash. Nothing else of note happened. Here’s […]
West Ham 0 – 2 United
Long lost brother (Another) guvner’s chicken curry (victory) Cor blimey (for) old taming of (the) twice fortnightly (mighty) double beds (Reds) white picket fenced (against) door (the) horses stable (lovable) Cockernee (cockney) Round-o’-darts (counterparts) Jean-Claude Van Dammers (West Ham). Donkey’s tears (Here’s) a mambo (five) queens and kings (things) me ol’ china (we) jury […]
United 2 – 1 Middlesborough
Middlesborough offered little resilience as the Red and White and a Little Bit of Black and a Little Bit Less of Yellowy Gold Army’s 2016/2017 express train to Titletown pulled into Old Trafford Station, like a train made of goals. Pogba and Martial were the conductors collecting tickets, as the passengers from the North East […]
United 3 – 1 Sunderland
As predicted, if Benno used Brett’s lyrics then world famousness would come a-knocking … and now Benno is the world famousest for being a ‘Tollesbury Gamer’ who played a computer games a month ago or something. Idgi. Here’s 5 things we learned between the mountains of blow and fountains of boobies: 1. Winning […]
West Brom 0 – 2 United
Another game, another 3 points. But still the same amount of points behind Chelsea as we were before we got that win, and 3 points?! So, what’s the use of points if they don’t get you anywhere? The English Premier League needs to seriously consider restructuring the whole points system imho: if you’ve already amassed […]